Movie review: Confessions of a Driving Instructor
May 30th, 2006
Good evening. One of my final year lectures is British Cinema, and as part of my exam revision, I have watched Confessions of a Driving Instructor in full. Student life is hard. This might even become a regular feature.
Confessions of a Driving Instructor (1976) dir. Cohen
Starring Robin Asquith, Lynda Bellingham (her off the Oxo adverts)
Rating: 2/5
This is the first “Confessions” movie I have seen but it’s actually the third one in the series, which sees Tim (Robin Asquith) and his brother set up a driving school. Hilarity, of course, ensues.
This is possibly the worst film I have seen in a long time. It’s one of many British films of the 70s that were made on no budget whatsoever in order to make some quick cash, though the “Confessions” series is unusual in that it was funded by the US studio Columbia. Even so, the budget is almost non-existant and was mostly spent on insuring one large Bentley that is used in several reckless chase scenes and in convincing hordes of young women to briefly appear naked. Even Lynda Bellingham – later the prim and proper mum of the Oxo household – gets her baps out. In total there are flashes of gratuitous nudity from about six women.
The production values are a joke. It’s so bad it’s almost funny, but not quite. The funniest thing is how inexplicably eager women are to hop into bed with our gurning protagonist.
The point of the film seems to be to give hope to otherwise unattractive, geeky men who have no luck with women, by convincing them that most women are sex-starved, adulterous creatures who will get undressed at the first opportunity, have sex in any location and are willing to try it on with any unattractive geeky driving instructor who might come their way. The majority of them also have large dangly boobs.
All of the above is, of course, not true in real life, which is a tremendous disappointment. And so I give this film only 2/5 jam jars.
Entry Filed under: Chris,Movie review
5 Comments
1. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | May 31st, 2006 at 08:53
You know I do believe that I’ve unfortunately seen all of the ‘Confessions’ films including ‘…of a Window Cleaner’ and ‘…of a Holiday person thing.” You know what the great thing about them is though? They all flow, cos at the end of one you see the two guys getting an idea and they go work at a differnet place instead. It’s magic…
No it’s not it’s piss. As porn it’s crap and as a film it’s crap so what exactly is it good for except maybe filling space in a rental shop to make it look like they have more films than they really do or landfills. Either way I’d rather screw a fondant fancy. You were too generous with the Jams 😉
2. Chris | May 31st, 2006 at 09:39
Yep, at the end of this one they see an advert for a holiday camp and get a brilliant idea. Hilarious.
They’re not porn but the reason they did so well was that actual porn was illegal in the UK until the mid-80s. This was as close as you could get. And so cheap films like this would make a fortune as long as you saw a few boobs and bums. They stopped making them very quickly in about 1980 when VCRs became popular.
It actually got 2 jams because I enjoyed its shiteness. Most of the time I was laughing at how awful it was. Hooray! 😀
3. Kevil Lord o' Beans | May 31st, 2006 at 11:07
I’ve seen a few of this films, but as a 14 year old they were infinitely more appeling. If you catch my drift. ahem.
Complete shite though they are.
4. Chris | May 31st, 2006 at 15:49
Might write up today’s Vincent Price classic later…
5. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | May 31st, 2006 at 16:58
Thrust thrust thrust thrust…