Posts filed under 'Loins'
Over the last couple of days I went on a massive weekend-long bender. It wasn’t a homoerotic bender or a drug bender, nor was I getting drunk or pissed up on booze. No, I was ODing on my new flat. I went in there and had a big sniff and didn’t leave it all weekend. Why? Because it’s MINE!
This is a picture of my new abode to be, into which I will insert my face on the 30th December. After that time the Chris Hotel will be available for anyone who cares to haul their candy ass down to London Town.
I’m bored of typing in that stupid way so I’m just doing it normally now.
The white-walled wonder you see above is costing me the breathtaking sum of £195 a week. If only I had that sort of money to burn! Instead, I can’t burn it because I have to give it all to my landlord. Grrr. Them’s the sort of apples that make me skint.
December 19th, 2006
It’s very simple (I just thought it up). All you do is you say:
When was the last time you got your knob out in public?
Their look will probably be of disgust and they will deny all knowledge of ever doing such a thing. Then you look smug and say:
So your trousers must be quite wet then? 😀
Then you laugh and walk away because you’re cleverer than them and it’ll take them a while to work out what’s the beef. Ha! One in the eye for me. Try it on tards!
October 31st, 2006
Following on from the recent discussion with Marshall about company names, whereby we decided a proper company name must contain:
1. The person’s christian name
2. What the company does
In order to fully comply with our standards I have sought and found one that may rival ‘John’s Replacement Windows’ in the obvious stakes. Yesterday on the back of a bus I noticed an advertisement for ‘Gary Hall – Windows, Doors and Conservatories’. Now this almost beats John were it not for the fact that Gary Hall doesn’t say what he does with the windows, doors and conservatories. I mean he could easily use them to service cars or chase bears away from picnic grounds… it just blows my mind. If Gary had taken a little more time with it he could have reached John’s level but unfortunately he just falls short. Nevermind
October 31st, 2006
Quick…. Everybody look…. Clifford is here.
CLICK NOW
October 27th, 2006
Today there was a bus strike. I knew about this strike but yet was unprepared for the role that was selected for me to handle. The bus came at 8:15am and I got on where I was told not only were they not selling week tickets today and only 50p was required but that the driver wasn’t too sure of the route the bus took. So I was forced to stand at the front with him directing his unsure ass around the many twists and turns of the bus route of the 22.
I could have sent us all over the place but I chose to go the right way. I CHOSE! I WAS IN CHARGE! Gimme power gimme gimme! More more more, now now now, mmmmmm… loin-ripplingly good!
October 23rd, 2006
Look:
www.myspace.com/loinsfordacademy
I need a hobby 😛
September 25th, 2006
Following extensive research*, Kev and I are able to reveal that the word below has never been published anywhere on the internet before now. Once it has been published it will – until it becomes a worldwide phenomenon and all the kids are saying it – be the sole incarnation of this word to grace the inforweb superhighnet.
MINTYFLAP
I don’t know about you but I feel pretty humble.
* we did a search on Google
September 23rd, 2006
I have witnessed today what could possibly pass as one of the worst animated films ever created.
It was, of course, called ‘Help! I’m a Fish!’ where three kids get turned into fish by some “crazy” scientists’ potion. In order to get back they must drink the antidote. Along the way they encounter token evil fish and token helpful companion in this case a seahorse. They escape from evil fish with seahorse’s help, find the antidote and turn themselves back, also defeating and violently killing evil fish in the process (voiced by Die Hard baddie Alan Rickman). They drown him! They turn him into a human, he forgets that humans can’t breath underwater and drowns! This film is like a f*cking U! Then to tie up the loose ends they had to leave little seahorse behind (who had become close friends with the little girl fish) but once they’re humans again they find it and the scientist guy creates some guff that turns him into a proper horse. THEN they all laugh at the end of it like it’s something normal that’s happened! Something natural, not like it’s against the laws of God or anything!
F*cking heathens, I hate them all. Smite them all for me!
September 3rd, 2006
This is boring. Katie Melua is so boring that she doesn’t even deserve to be called ‘she’ anymore. Therefore she will be referred to as ‘it’ because it’s that boring. Look at it, even it looks half-bored in this picture as it blands out another blandy ballad about bicycles and trains and crazies. You can see the intensity in its face, trying to muster all the bland in the world so it can toss off another ten songs and stick them out on a cd.
Although if you think it’s bad think how being Norah Jones must be like…
 
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August 26th, 2006
I WANT MORE
I WANT IT NOW
SEE THAT IT IS DONE!
August 21st, 2006
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