Posts filed under 'Ian'
Cheesy Kid: Help I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere and I have to call my lesbian mummy to come and pick me up. Those ruffians over there look vicious
*Vicious ruffians tense their fists and look mean*
Voiceover: Hey you kid, didn’t you know you don’t have to have money to make a phonecall?
Cheesy Kid: Isn’t that called stealing?
Voiceover: Don’t be silly Timmy, it’s the new reverse charge call phone service. LOINS!
Cheesy Kid: Loins?
Voiceover: Yes Loins. Simply dial the word Loins in the phone and…
Cheesy Kid: But there’s only numbers on these buttons. There are no letters.
Voiceover: Then find a phone with letters on it.
Cheesy Kid: This is the only phone for five miles. I checked on my GPS.
Voiceover: Then you’ll have to ask one of those vicious ruffians for their mobile.
Cheesy Kid: I could have told you that myself. Would you ask them for help, at night, being all vulnerable and alone like I am?
Voiceover: Well no.
Cheesy Kid: Exactly so really I’m screwed aren’t I?
Voiceover: Look, ABC are on button number 1, DEF are on…
Cheesy Kid: I don’t have time for your words and your headless bodyless nonsense I’ve gotta get out of this flying umbrella!
*Vicious ruffians start coming towards him*
Voiceover: Start praying Timmy, start praying!
Cheesy Kid: Must remember loins, must remember loins, must remember…
*Timmy gets creamed by the ruffians who steal his hat and use his shorts as a lunchbox*
June 22nd, 2006
Look at this:
 
This is the bizarre sight that you get when you come out of my office building. To me, it looks like a giant upside-down rock raspberry. I think it’s keeping all the annoying clients who have filed complaints underneath in some sort of pre-historic world where dinosaurs roam. Like that bit in Tomb Raider… before you realised it was shit.
June 12th, 2006
I have invented a new saying whilst drunk, to myself not by myself, because noone would have understood, and it goes a little something like this:
“I’m as heterosexual as white bread!” 😛
June 11th, 2006
What do we all think of Jerry Loinsford’s appeal? Isn’t it a worthwhile cause?
June 9th, 2006
Here-O the lowely ballad
Of sadness and despair
The tragic tale of a pitiful creation
Who’s life was filled with woe and devestation
(see ‘Sambahambubahallaballamambayo’)
June 7th, 2006
Chuffin’ ‘eck it’s a blinder out there!
Â
*I thought it deserved it’s own post* 😉
June 7th, 2006
I’m tempted to say the word, “crotch.”
Kev I keep saying the word, “crotch.” Do you have any thoughts on the matter? 😀
May 27th, 2006
“There was a pirate that all the other pirates feared,
 Even black, blue, red and yellowbeard.
 Now the captain was as rotten as they come,
 And never once thought to write to his mum (boo hoo hoo).
 Argh! Argh! Marie…. Celeste!
 She’s got the meaniest crew the world has ever faced (Bad boys!).
 Then the bowson shouted something out, “Oi, there’s a ship to the west!”
 Shiver me timbers! Walk the plank! SOS! Swim for shore! Pieces of eight! Abandon ship!
 It wasn’t magic, or ghost and tricks,
 It was down to a bowl of Wheetabix.
 That’s why they found no pirates aboard the Marie Celeste.”
May 24th, 2006
Can I just add a little something?
 *Quite clearly shouting* THERE’S NO ROOM FOR MY FACE!
May 22nd, 2006
Would you like to borrow them? I have lovely hands.
Doesn’t the guy on the front of this cd cover look like ‘one-time-Boyband-junkie-now-dropout-loser-spending-his-weekends-drinking-English-Tea-and-watching-football-on-TV’ Brian McFadden? 🙂 I think so. I tried selling it on Ebay and that was my main selling point… I think. Song’s good mind.
May 21st, 2006
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