Posts filed under 'Look at this'
Having produced, written, directed and undertaken a recent survey I am pleased to show you the conclusive results. Here, ladies and gentlemen, is the official line of power which proves out of all the powers that Nutrient Power is the strongest:
# A * @ B C
–!—|—!——————–!—–|——————————|——
A – Dragonforce Power # – People Power
B – Charm Power * – Cornpop Power
C – Nutrient Power @ – Wispa Power (unofficial)
(Kindly note that despite several months of testing we are still unsure as to where Sportsman Power belongs).
June 2nd, 2010
Today I have been spending a lot of my time catching with 80’s singer, musician and apparently model Yazz.
We are all aware that Yazz is known best for her 1988 number one single ‘The Only Way Is Up’ but what followed the success of this breakthrough? Not at lot as it seems. Despite three other successful singles from the same album it would appear that the only way was down. The next releases were few and far between and the world appeared to forget about Yazz. Even a cover of ‘How Long’ with Aswad wasn’t enough to get the general public panting like puppies.
What does Yazz do now you ask? According to Wikipedia she has found faith, is an active member of the Calahonda Baptist Church and lives in Spain. It would appear that she is and has been married to husband Jazz Summers. Yazz and Jazz are rarely seen in public but it might be due to the fact that criminally nobody is looking for them.
I, personally, am gutted that the United Kingdom missed out on the French only release Yazz Megamix back in 1990 and that back in September 2009 when ‘The Only Way Is Up’ was re-released I didn’t know. I will leave you with this information. Go forth and spread some.
Look at ME and be inspired.
May 6th, 2010
There has been a rise of a brand new phenomena in the United Kingdom whereby politeness has reached a fresh level of stupidity. There is an increasing number of both men and women who experience what can only be described as a Shy Heart Attack. Upon discovering they are having a heart attack they then decide not to tell anyone and proceed as though nothing is wrong. If they are questioned about it they are more likely to shrug it off and carry on eating their salad rather than make a fuss.
Linda Apples is one of these people. “I knew what was happening and even though my first instinct was to scream out in pain and shout for a doctor there was a part of me that couldn’t do it. I didn’t want all those people in the cafe staring at me so I chose to sit at my table, finish my profiteroles and then quietly take the bus to the hospital.”
The British public have always been known for their high level of stiff upper lip but this has got both government watchdogs and members of the medical profession completely baffled. “Fair enough don’t cause a scene if your dog has pooped in your tea, ” said Dr. Miles Guhungus, “but if your heart has stopped working properly for the love of God do something! What if the last thing you did with your life was to walk in an awkward fashion in the direction of your local surgery with a forced smile on your face?”
More and more people are succumbing to it. In the first quarter of the year a total of nine men and seven women encountered Shy Heart Attacks, with a possible three others to follow by June. Various reasons have been listed for doing such a thing including, “I didn’t want the restaurant owner to think I hated his salmon fillets so I stayed to eat the whole thing,” and, “Jimmy hates it when I cry. He said all the other dads thought I was a wuss so I sucked it in and finished that triathlon.”
April 24th, 2010
Okay, so I had some oranges before I went to bed last night. I can only presume this is why I had such strange dreams. It was as follows:
“I was back in Garforth and I was on my way to see alt-Americana heroes My Morning Jacket who were playing up towards Castleford. Instead of getting a lift or catching the bus I jumped on a lorry which was going in the same direction, and who should be driving the lorry but Josh Homme and the rest of the Queens of the Stone Age. I hid at the back, not wanting to get in the way, and when we eventually got to the venue through what seemed like acres and acres of winding roads I immediately ran up to Mr Homme and asked if I could buy a vinyl copy of their last album ‘Era Vulgaris’. What he was clutching, however, was a vinyl copy of their second album pressed between three other records I couldn’t make out. He told me that he was saving this for someone else and disappeared inside.
The venue must have been a barn or something, albeit one with a tiny stage at the front and a small bar with merchandise at the back. I asked if they had any copies of ‘Era Vulgaris’ but unfortunately they did not. I then realised I had lost my ticket but as I was already inside didn’t worry about that fact too much. Noel Fielding was there. I asked to buy a small Dime bar to use as a comedy moustache and after much badgering the brunette behind the bar agreed to sell this to me because she was tired of my conversation.”
Then I woke up. I can understand about the Dime Bar but not much else. Both of you have degrees in Dreamology; what does it mean?
April 6th, 2010
I have been abroad and I am now back, having been places and seen things. Some of the things I saw, I took pictures of, like this happy lump of snow:
And this remarkably positive graffiti:
I am now at home again. Thus ends my tale. (Though I skipped the bit where I had a run in with the police and am saving it for my autobiography.)
March 17th, 2010
Having been given a harmonica for Christmas by one A Jermyn (but for this post I shall merely refer to her as Audrey J) I have quickly surfaced with a slightly sad tune for those late nights and early morning when the sun can’t rise swiftly enough. It has poetic meaning that stretches further than any mere pop song can. In all honesty it’s the best thing to every emerge. Ever. Let’s see how the world takes to the verbosity:
Squishy Milk
Squishy milk, squishy milk
1 1 -1 1 1 -1
Meant to last, squished by fate
2 2 -2 2 2 -2
Nothing left, nothing left
1 1 -2 1 1 -2
But squishy milk, squishy milk
2 2 -2 1 1 1 1
I feel as though by adding further words it would destroy the essence of what is there. It is as Quaff would say, “intrinsically bereft of any doubt or shame.” How that man can be so succint is beyond me.
December 28th, 2009
Audrey: Don’t let the beg bugs bite!
Reuben: That’s alright, I know kung fu.
Ian: Why don’t you give your grandad a hug as a present?
Reuben: That’s not a present!
Reuben: I saw broccoli in the pan but there’s none on my plate…?
Siobhan: That’s not fair! I was winning!
Reuben: Do you enjoy losing mum?
Reuben: Wow! A Wii! Now I have two!
Ian: Erm I think you’ll find the one at mine is Audrey’s.
Reuben: Yeah but it’s a little bit mine.
Reuben: SANTA IN YOUR EYE!
December 26th, 2009
Episode 23 – If I Were You, I Wouldn’t Want To Know You
During a fatal ice skating accident in which three dwarves, presumably looking for Santa, are maimed by a falling electrical pylon, Sir Chester Lester manages to frame Vixen Hawk for the aggrevious error and sends her into hiding. Whilst hiding Vixen must face several home truths including the concern she has about the mysterious door in her mum’s cellar that leads to suspicious surroundings. Then there’s also all those picked body parts clogging up the freezer. Then there’s also the man from the Council who claims he’s Vixen’s estranged father and that he would have been back sooner were it not for the amount of paperwork after the 1979 boating gala confusion and general filing over the last ten years.
Meanwhile Sir Chester Lester, with nobody to hold him back, goes on a rampage across the many eateries within a three mile radius, stopping only to take in a show between mouthfuls of chaos! Vixen is stuck at a crossroads. Literally. The traffic is so bad on the M17 that she can’t even reach the top of OD Cliff for a dramatic “what should I do” cliffhanger pout of multi-national proportions. But she doesn’t have to for by the time she gets to the scene it’s all over! Another mysterious character draped in tea towels and sporting a ridiculous Australian accent has single-handidly put Sir Chester Lester behind bars and vanquished his cronies to the far nether regions.
The man moves forward to shake Vixen’s hand, but can he be trusted?
December 14th, 2009
Good Evening and welcome to another re-treading into the musical myriad mastery of a very cynical and well-worn individual who’s views have been described as bordering on “impressive”.
Besides this hasn’t been aired for a while and there have been so many who have passed through the charts, by the radar and then disappeared into obscurity just as fast. Sigh. Kate Nash, where are you now? Married to a Crib? Fair enough.
Tonight’s eyes fall on the lovely Tula “Tulisa” Contostavlos from Kevin’s favourite group N-Dubz. According to Wikipedia, because this is where I get most of my general knowledge, Miss Contostavlos is of Greek and Irish heritage and by far the prettiest member of the group. Hands down. You might think she was drafted in to fill up the hottie side of things but she more than pulls her weight with fellow band mates Dappy and erm Fazer.
That said I can’t really admit to any sort of admiration for the group in the slightest. With lyrics like, “Like a crack baby being born addicted to the needle, So much evil in people, Dappy said it 1st so I guess that im the sequel,” and “A-List, Play list, Even My Mums Famous, I Would Do Anythin’ for Some Source Stadium Status,” they’re not really going for an Ivor Novello but hey, who wants one of them? Snow Patrol got one. Tut tut Ivor Novello…
You won’t find me playing it. You will however find me staring at Tulisa at every available opportunity.
(picture borrowed from femalefirst.co.uk)
December 11th, 2009
This is what needs to happen with all cows, worldwide. Its reaction tells you everything. Man is happy, cow is happy. What could be more worthwhile?
December 8th, 2009
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