Posts filed under 'What I Did Today'
Being a bit of a mad thing, I’ve agreed to do overtime today, making this a six-day week, and then after that, also agreed to make it a double. Technically that means I am on shift from 12 noon today until 7.30am tomorrow. In reality, I don’t need to turn up until 3pm and I’ll be finishing a little bit early.
Because I know that everyone who reads this blog hangs on my every word, I’ll be trying to keep you updated with how I get on. Mm! Excitement!
11.35
My landlord wanted to show some people round my flat so I had to get up at 8am instead of my planned 11 or 12. Hooray. That means I’m awake for seven hours before I even start. Plus it’s incredibly hot down here in the tropical south and I didn’t sleep very well.
I’ve set myself up for a brilliant night at work! Whoooo!
15.10
I’ve just arrived at work and I can’t remember the last time it was this hot. OH MY GOD. I am the sweatiest person I’ve ever met just now. I just printed off my rota and it looks very long. On the other hand, I had time to have a tasty lunch at home, which was quite nice. Every cloud has a silver lining.
20.55
Just had some coffee. I need it for the energy but I fear the comedown which will be in the wee small hours. I’m also strangely cold and sweaty. It was a hot sticky day today, but you’d think that after a good six hours of windowless air conditioning here I’d be used to it now. I’m starting to think I’m ill, or maybe there’s something up with my metabolism. Seeing shapes in front of my eyes. Can hear some strange, unidentifiable music now and then. Could swear there’s someone behind me at times.
01.20
Think I have just been on a train, though I’m not sure whether it was real or not. It was doing little circular rides around the top of the building. After that I abseiled down to the canteen where I had a nice chat with Philip Schofield. It took me ages to work out what didn’t look right about him, and eventually I spotted that instead of a torso, he just had the hot water machine from the staff canteen there, with his arms and legs sellotaped to it.
I had a weird herbal tea thing earlier this evening and I’m starting to wonder if there was something funny in it.
05.10
Fifty minutes to go. I can no longer see anything. Is this Facebook?
14.10
Meant to stop this at the end of the shift, but I’m going to add a line in homage to the absolute bastard who lives on the ground floor of this building. He has chosen today to replace the roof over his kitchen, so when I should have been sleeping soundly after my 24-hour day, instead I was lying awake listening to continuous drilling and hammering. Wanker. He’s still at it now. I plan to go to bed as soon as it starts to get dark, and probably sleep until Thursday, and if he’s still hammering away then I’ll start pouring boiling water over him.
July 28th, 2008
Now then my little monkeys.
I was thinking today about clever adverts. Some band, who are apparently called the Pigeon Detectives, have apparently got some poxy new album out, or something, at the moment. Who cares. Well, I care, not because their music is worth another second of my precious lifespan, but because the advertising for it is clever. OK, so they have billboard adverts around the place.
But this is the clever thing, you see. The album’s called “Emergency”. Emergency, right? So on my way to work yesterday, the railings of a building site I passed had this red and blue tape around it, blocking off holes and making it look like an accident scene. They said EMERGENCY and PIGEON DETECTIVES on them. “That”, I thought to myself, “is clever”.
The Mystery Jets had their logo sprayed on phone boxes near my work earlier in the year too, which is quite good, because it’s a weird plane thing with a question mark in it. So it is actually a mystery. See what they did there?
And apparently last night on Channel 4, Honda did an advert with skydivers spelling out the word ‘HONDA’ that was broadcast live. Flipping heck.
Brilliant. What other clever adverts are kicking around?
May 30th, 2008
So I had a dream last night and I went with Friya to visit Ian.
We were surprised when we got there, because he hadn’t mentioned to us that he actually lived in a big blue prison in New York. So Friya went shopping and I went back to his cell (it was obviously quite a slack prison because they let him out for long walks) and I looked through all his drawers.
Then we went out again and on the way back in there was a wheelbarrow full of corn on the cob sitting in the corridor. Ian didn’t want to steal one, because it’s generally frowned upon for prisoners to do that, but I really wanted one so I stuck it in my trousers and we went back to the room. But Ian didn’t know I’d done it. Then I thought it would get him into trouble, so I went up a spiral staircase to a different floor (it was a boys floor -Â every other one was a girls floor – but luckily the spiral staircase I went up missed a floor on the way) and casually dropped the corn cob on the floor.
When I got back to the cell, it was full of prison wardens, and one evil woman (who was English despite this being a New York jail) was telling us off for laughing too much and reminding Ian that it was a five-strikes and you’re out policy. She pointed above the door, where someone had painted (in elaborate lettering) “One and a half strikes”.
Then I woke up.
January 14th, 2008
It’s the new year, and I’m the first bastard to post anything here.
I’m at work today.
That is all.
Happy new year, Beansmeisters!
January 1st, 2008
Hello Boys and girls, I have a challenge for you…
I inexplicably and for no reason made this picture this morning at work:
Now I know you’re thinking that that is the best damned thing you’ve seen for ages, but you’d be wrong, clearly. So there.
What I would like you eager pups out there to do is to take this image, and do something with it, add to it, scribble on it, whatever you like. All completed entries should be emailled to me via compemetition@kevil.co.uk by pm Friday, and i’ll put them all in a handy, snack-sized, gallery for you all to enjoy. There may even be a prize!
For the full size file, click here for the jpg, and here for the full png file (6Mb).
Now get cracking!
December 12th, 2007
Rub these apples over your body!
CLICK THIS LINK FOR SOMETHING BRILLIANT IN FLASH VIDEO FORMAT
Dave’s Elevated Moon Gin Palace and the Knights of Yore is now online! Up yours, George Lucas, I don’t see Star Wars on my website. No, DEMGPATKOY wins again.
Is this good beefs? Do you want more films online in this sexy way?
July 26th, 2007
So I get up, mid-afternoon, ready for a night shift tonight. I decide at about 4pm that it’s time to go out to Sainsbury’s for some bits and pieces I need. On my way downstairs I pick up some crap that needs taking to the bin and I take it down with me, put it all in the bin, and turn around to close the door.
I look at the front door. It has a yale lock and a normal key sort of lock. I think “the neighbours are away, so I should lock both of them”. I reach into my pocket. I find no keys.
Luckily, the door is still open. I run upstairs, shouting a long, slow-motion “NOOOOOOO!” as I do, and yes – just as I had feared – the door to my flat is locked and burglar-proof. I turn the handle anyway and try to push it open a few times. Sadly the lock on the other side of it has not mysteriously evaporated and the door does not open.
Because I was going out anyway I have my phone and my wallet with me. So I have just spent the last two hours – TWO, count ’em – getting a bus and a tube and another tube to Notting Hill Gate, walking ten minutes in the rain to where Friya works, getting her spare keys off her, walking some more in the rain, getting another tube, and another one, and another bus back home.
I will be getting spare keys cut and leaving them hidden in some cunning location.
(It could be worse. I could have left my phone behind, and the door downstairs could have been locked. Then I would have been trapped on the stairs with two bags of rubbish and no way to get help.)
July 19th, 2007
…and gets put in envelopes and posted to people.
Â
You can expect your complimentary preview copy of Mr Smith and the Drill in the post shortly.
July 15th, 2007
Hello. Tonight (that’s Sunday night) I’m working a nightshift. But it’s not any ordinary nightshift, oh no. I’m doing some extra time so that I can get a Saturday off at short notice in a couple of weeks. So tonight I started work at 9.30pm and I will be finishing at 10am on Monday morning.
I’m not really looking forward to this, so I will be charting my escapades hour by hour on this very website, so that you can all revel in the dullness of my evening.
Continue Reading June 24th, 2007
Hello. Bit of an announcement, I have now completed moving house. To one which I own (with sarah). Woo Hoo!
Continue Reading May 21st, 2007
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