Chris Industries International Ltd. is proud to announe the launch of its new corporate website this week.
Speaking at the launch, CEO and King of Belgium, Chris, said: “I’m so excited, oo wee, and I just can’t hide it, no no no no no.”
Visit the new website here!
17 comments March 14th, 2007
I found this:
Its really good! It even has some titbits of old constantlyfalling sites on it… though sadly not enough.
Enjoy. Or else…
10 comments March 12th, 2007
Cheesegrating Operative
£12,656 pa
Closing date: 20/03/07
Start date: 28/04/07
Chris Tarrant is looking for a new member to join his team of household servants, slaves and lackeys. As Cheesegrating Operative, you will be required to maintain and manage Mr. Tarrant’s vital supply of cheese, pre-processed into thin strands. Working with a range of cheeses of varying textures, it will be your responsibility to select appropriate grating tools and maintain their chrome finish. You will be required to use your own initiative in grating each cheese with the correct width and length of strand.
As part of the wider team you will work with Mr. Tarrant’s head chef to co-ordinate cheese output for large social events, providing if necessary custom-grated cheese for each guest. Mr. Tarrant consumes approximately one kilogram of grated cheese, in a range of flavours and textures, at each meal. From time to time you will also be required to co-operate with Mr. Tarrant’s team of experienced sex slaves should his bedroom activities require further cheese.
The successful applicant will be able to show an awareness of the need for high-grade cheesegrating as part of a wider food preparation environment, and be a team player. He or she will ideally have at least one year’s experience of grating for a mildly famous person or organisation. The job requires a high level of commitment and Mr. Tarrant expects the successful applicant to be at work for fifteen hours each day.
Please send a full CV and sample of your grating, with 200-word explanatory essay of why you chose the type of cheese and the grating standard, and any other information you consider relevant, to:
Chris Industries International Ltd
Human Resources, 57th Floor
Marshall Towers
London
LN1 2EE
5 comments March 10th, 2007
The Third Office is no more. It is my duty to inform you that despite my continued attempts to keep and uphold Office 3 it has been taken back by the authorities at the Baltic. Inside, what greeted me instead of the usual cack, was a note stating that I should contact the main desk to get my things back and hand the key over. I think it’s another attempt to corner me and haul my a*s into the back so they can lecture me on the real reasons for using the lockers and not for the reason we were using it for.
Just as Operation Whimsical Pixie was a failure (it was that one, wasn’t it Marshall?) so is Office 3. We now need to set up and locate a possible Office 4. It needn’t be here in Newcastle and seeing as Marshall has set up shop down in London perhaps it should travel further south. Please send the condolence cards and letters to the usual address.
13 comments March 9th, 2007
A colleague at work today has made the following comment,
“You’d make a great doorman Ian.”
Not, “thanks for holding the door Ian,” or “you’re such a gentleman Ian,” no no, it’s much better to say that I’m only good for holding open doors for other people.
So I’d like to ask what kind of profession YOU (as in you) think I (as in me) SHOULD be doing 🙂
12 comments March 1st, 2007