Archive for June, 2008
A man has cut off his head in protest at the costs of haircuts at his local barbers today.
Jimmy Bumble, a resident of the village Whickersham in Leicestershire, took a pair of pinking shears and sliced through his neck to leave him without a head. This comes after recent news that saw the price of a simple trim rise to the astonishing fee of £6.07.
“You can’t let things like this lie,” said Mr Bumble, 89, speaking from underneath his own armpit. “If they think that is a reasonable sum just to spend five minutes removing growing hairs from my pimply noggin, well, let them. I’d sooner cut my own head off than… oh wait.”
The village of Whickersham has received a fair amount of bad publicity recently after several accounts of granny napping and bovine juggling were reported by worried residents. People have blamed this on the tanker of glycol fog that tipped over last year, poisoning the water supply and causing general havoc.
The barbers shop in question do not wish to be named and have refused to comment on Mr Bumble’s actions, although they did offer to trim the whole crew for twenty quid.
Mac Mackford – June 2008
June 30th, 2008
Now I know its not polite to discuss regligion and politics, but I’d like to draw your attention to Pastafarianism. It seems to tick all my boxes, and if agreed I’d like to make it the official religion of da Beans, see what you think…
http://www.venganza.org/
June 27th, 2008
If someone asks you if you are lying, and you say “yes”, what does that mean?
Why is it the that the bubbles in the bath are always white no matter what colour the liquid was?
Who designs benches?
Does a horse ever get so hungry it could eat a horse?
June 20th, 2008
I would like to propose a new rule set that all children must abide by. Those who do not, or who refuse to ratify and sign the charter on their day of birth, will be shunned, spurned and decked before being extradited to Norway, which has been designated as a land for rampant children. All adults are being evacuated from Norway and its borders are being fortified.
The draft charter goes thus:
1. Childs shall sleep for eight continuous hours per night.
2. Childs shall not wake before 0700 hrs local time, and on waking, shall silently wait until invited to leave bed by a parent or guardian.
3. Childs shall ask for batteries to be removed from noise-making toys before playing with them.
4. Childs shall eat what everyone else eats instead of whining they don’t like it and demanding special treatment that usually involves fish fingers and lots of ketchup.
5. On public transport – or, actually, anywhere in public – childs shall shut the fuck up.
If you wish to add your own clauses to this manifesto, please feel free. It will make a better world for us all.
June 18th, 2008
Some interesting comments were brought up yesterday about Fireman Sam:
1) You never see his brother or sister who are the parents of those irritating kids who follow him around? Have they left? Are they charvers? Or is it the simple fact that Sam is actually their real dad and there’s some scandal going down in Pontypandy?
2) There’s a lot of action that goes down in such a small Welsh village. Do you think that the fire service are deliberately causing accidents, like pushing Trevor down wells and messing with Norman’s skateboard, so that they have something to do?
3) An Italian restaurant in a small village anywhere, where the population looks about 15, would not survive. Is Bella using the local cats in her recipes or does she have some rich Mafia boss living elsewhere in the world who funds her failing business?
4) Fireman Sam is a young, fit (not my words), active person and yet he’s single. This doesn’t happen in everyday life. Does he drive into town every night for some “Night Lady Action” or does he “bat for the other side”?
Your comments please.
June 3rd, 2008