Noos Flash!
July 14th, 2006
A sad day for The Loinsford Academy
Today at 0930 Police Raided the house of Charity Magnate Jerry Loinsford, on suspicion of theft.
Loinsford, 47, founder of the Loinsford Academy has recently been running a campaign to ‘Protect Innocent Vowels being deleted from words’. It seems though that this campaign has not been as selfless as the public were led to believe. Loinsford it seems has become involved with an underground gang, known as the ‘vowlers’, who go around at night intimidating the poor and infirm by singing in a manner similar to this:
“EE-AA-AA-OO-AA-NAMA-EE-AA!”
Police were alerted after Loinsford was seen smuggling donated vowels from his office, in large TESCO ‘Bag for Life’ bags, by Mrs Venuza Medinahats a cleaner in the building opposite the Loinsford Academy.
Police are also trying to trace another member of the gang, known only as ‘Guyverpop’ who is believed to be the ring-leader. The public are urged to contact 0870-BEANZ-MENZ-FARTZ with any information. Loinsford was taken into custody at Felchtown Police station and will be questioned over the next three days.
Entry Filed under: Kev,Loins,Noos Flash
4 Comments
1. Chris | July 14th, 2006 at 14:57
That’s tragic. Whether or not he is found guilty, his reputation is ruined. A sad day for Lionsford Academites everywhere – whatever else he might have done, Jerry saved a lot of letters. Just a shame he fell for the sweet aroma of corruption.
2. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | July 14th, 2006 at 16:58
NO! That’s not Jerry, that’s his evil twin Palookalula! He’s foreign and comes from a tiny island in the sun. Where he plays and has fun! Jerry is a victim!
3. Chris | July 14th, 2006 at 23:41
Either way it’s not good for Jerry’s reputation.
Just wait till the tabloids get hold of it! “LOINSFORD HAS A VOWEL MOVEMENT” they’ll say. Or “LETTER SAY YOUR PRAYERS, JERRY!”. Things like that.
4. Ian Mac Mac Mac McIver | July 15th, 2006 at 13:07
You’ve done this before haven’t you 😛
Jerry will bounce back. Palookalula is always trying to ruin his life because he’s jealous of the Loinsford Academy’s outstanding reputation. Just watch this space. Loins are and shall always will be delectingable