The last press release

April 7th, 2007

Chris Industries International Ltd
Press release

Chris Industries International Ltd. is sorry to announce that its pre-tax profits for the 2006-07 financial year were some way below forecasts.

CII Ltd’s chairman, Chris, blamed the result on the unexpected departure of the public face of the company, Pete Doherty, and the resulting downturn in sales.

Since Mr Doherty’s departure, the company has racked up £14bn in debts, partly due to its poor performance in rotissomat technologies.

The ailing company has been acquired by Richard Branson, who remains optimistic that he can turn around CII’s fortune. From April 10th 2007, CII Ltd will be known as Virgin Pet Care.

Virgin Pet Care

Entry Filed under: Chris,Chris Industries,Uncategorized


  • 1. Kevil  |  April 7th, 2007 at 11:37

    I’d like, on behalf of SDJ Ltd. to put in a very generous offer of 52p for the Spearmint division of Chis Industries.

  • 2. Chris  |  April 7th, 2007 at 16:58

    I’m afraid you’ll have to speak to the Beardy Wonder who has bought the whole lot.

    Rumour has it that a certain former European country will soon be renamed Virgin Belgium.

  • 3. Saint King  |  April 10th, 2007 at 07:08

    I, being of sound mind and body, and being thy kingly saint Saint King, do hereby bless this transaction and hope you shall all go in peace.

    P.S. Sorry about the takeover. We should do lunch.

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