Beware the Jam Pandas!
November 13th, 2007
Alright gimme a second to catch my breath.
*fake breathing noises*
Did you know that… never mind I’ll tell you later. Those damn Jam Pandas have taken over my myspace page :O they were a bit rowdy when I got them home but when I opened my bag out they whooshed and before you could say, “how on earth can fictional children’s characters come into the real world?” they had locked me up in a cupboard. By the time Audrey saved me (she was looking for the step ladder) they had changed my log in password and now I can’t get backΓΒ in. They keep posting bulletins about the bloody time, I look a right numpty.
Hi Marshall. You have *sings* NO IDEA *ends singing* what I’m talking about and that’s probably for the best π it’s all faux shizzel.
Entry Filed under: Bedtime stories,Ian,Loins
22 Comments
1. Chris | November 13th, 2007 at 13:52
Are jam pandas similar to head pandas?
2. Katie | November 13th, 2007 at 19:37
It’s not like they ever get the time right either..
3. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | November 14th, 2007 at 00:56
Jam Pandas are a rare breed of pandas that enjoy making jam and telling the time.
And yes they do get the time right π they’re very precise, some might say almost irritatingly precise.
I rue the day I ever came across them. I do far too much rueing though. Rue me!
4. Chris | November 14th, 2007 at 10:24
Damn those jammy pandas.
When you cry, do you go “rue hoo hoo” in a comic book style?
5. Kevil | November 14th, 2007 at 10:43
Stop picking on the innocent Jam Pandas! They are just re-asserting themselves after being locked up in a charity shop for the last god knows how long.
Shame on you. Shame on you all.
6. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | November 14th, 2007 at 17:56
There are other ways to assert your life other than taking over my myspace page and talking about the time a lot. It’s not fair! I’m waiting to see what Jerry Loinsford and Big Fog come up with.
I never cry!
7. Kevil | November 15th, 2007 at 12:35
Who the hell is big fog?
8. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | November 15th, 2007 at 13:13
Have you never been to Jerry’s myspace page? Big Fog is the nickname he gave Bryan Ferry because they’re old friends. He does the odd chore and sometimes sings at the Academy to inspire the aspiring pupils π
9. Kevil | November 15th, 2007 at 13:59
I only go there to make sure everyone is still aware of the impending court case against him for vowel stealage.
10. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | November 16th, 2007 at 09:47
You have to learn to let go my friend. That’s all in the past now. It’s as modern at Coleco Vision (woo yeah woo yeah!).
Besides Jerry never did anything bad just in your loopy head he did. That’s the worst sentence, as in terms of grammar, I’ve ever written π
11. Kevil | November 16th, 2007 at 10:45
Congratulations sir, you previous sentance wins the “Baddest Grammar of the Year Award”! Have a rosette.
12. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | November 16th, 2007 at 17:49
Woo! Shake it! Check my bad self! Thrusting loins, thrusting loins…
I’m gonna ramp it dry!
13. Auds | November 20th, 2007 at 14:23
Enid Blyton does press ups.
14. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | November 20th, 2007 at 14:55
Yeah, I’m twenty-four now, I can’t keep eating bread and chips and expecting my metabolism to keep up.
I do eat proper lunches Audrey and breakfasts are for wimps.
No I don’t say that on a Sunday
STOP HITTING ME WITH A PEN!!!
15. Auds | November 20th, 2007 at 15:01
I have yet to see Nigella take a baguette and stuff it with crisps and say “ooh, here is a lovely great big stick just right for getting your lips around” – which is what you tend to eat for your lunch right now.
16. Kevil | November 21st, 2007 at 10:50
Exactly, a proper lunch! Nigella knows shit!
17. Chris | November 21st, 2007 at 11:45
Mmmmm, crisp sarnies… Well, that’s my lunch sorted.
18. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | November 21st, 2007 at 13:35
If only they sold thrusticles then we could enjoy the lovely, icey taste of people thrusting their loins. Despite the cold weather they would be such a treat!
Baguettes are 45p from Tesco and the crisps are about 38p. Your lunch is sorted for less than a pound!
19. Chris | November 23rd, 2007 at 00:57
Ooh dear no… isn’t that the driest thing ever? Surely it needs thickly buttering?
Also it contains no nutrients whatsoever. It’s like eating roof insulation.
20. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | November 23rd, 2007 at 09:54
Roof insulation has its moments.
Nutrients are for wimps.
Thickly buttering isn’t necessary – go dry go!
*likes his slogans of nothingness*
21. Kevil | November 23rd, 2007 at 12:23
Ramp it dry!
22. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | November 23rd, 2007 at 14:37
Always brings a giggle