Britain may have talent
January 7th, 2008
Given Kev’s seemingly endless supply of scat-isms I suggest that we put him forward for the next series of ‘Britain’s Got Talent’, or whatever b*ggery b*llocks is auditioning around the same time. I mean he can also poom groodles, I mean groom poodles. That must count for something right?
We could make a bit of money from it. The proceeds could then be put forward for nationwide distribution of the ‘Nish’ series and perhaps even a publication of both copies of semi-autobiographical ‘Erudite Musings on the Human Condition’.
Entry Filed under: Chris,Ian,Kev,Think about it,Tragic
29 Comments
1. Chris | January 7th, 2008 at 19:37
When I saw the title “Britain may have talent” I thought of something along the lines of the ITV shite-fest shown last year, but done in the style of investigative journalism. Just picture it:
Donal Macintyre, undercover somewhere in the rough streets of Glasgow, trying to find out if Britain really does have any talent. He speaks to pimps, whores, gangsters and cabaret singers, buys some illegal drugs, undercovers a child smuggling ring and asks a habitual mugger to do a solo rendition of ‘My Way’.
It’s a sure-fire ratings winner!
2. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | January 8th, 2008 at 07:50
That sounds great, but can we also ensure that all the people speaks to also have ‘Mac’ or different versions of it in their surname and maybe even the places too if we can manage it? So it’d be like, “We asked Donald MacIntyre to first visit MacDonald street where the notorious Macarthy Gang and their Gang of Hooded Macs hang out. MacIntyre met their leader, Max Macarthy, eating mackrel whilst putting on Maxfactor’.
See? It has a sort of Dr Seuss-like charm taking away any sense of impending doom.
3. Kevil | January 8th, 2008 at 15:29
Its crazy, and indeed zany…. but is it marketable?
* does hand gesture *
Also it is lacking in scat.
4. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | January 8th, 2008 at 16:49
There’s not enough scat in this world today my friend but YOU, as in YOU, can put a stop to that.
Believe in yourself. Let the world be your scattorical friend!
5. Auds | January 8th, 2008 at 20:27
This is a cri de coeur. I need to know what a wireless router is, what it does, stuff like that, Ian says Kev will know coz Kev has talent and I trust him implicitly. I want a router so that I can use my laptop away from the modem (I think that’s the plan) but I don’t trust those wide boys in PC World or Currys I only trust Kev. Thank you.
6. Chris | January 8th, 2008 at 23:42
Kev is your saviour. Place your willing soul in his firm grasp and, with shining blade, glimmering shield and steed of fire he will charge the knights of ignorance, vanquish the World of PC and bring to you the fair maiden of wireless internet.
7. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | January 9th, 2008 at 07:51
What?
8. Auds | January 9th, 2008 at 09:51
Kev, please respond. the other two obviously haven’t got a bloody clue about owt.
9. Kevil | January 10th, 2008 at 09:53
Auds, if you would like such a device then clearly you have been persuaded by the dark and lazy side of computing. Welcome!
I can get you one if you like for £48 and post it up to you. It would be a ZyXEL P-660HW, which will mean nothing to you, but its a good one. Does your laptop have wireless built in or would you need a wireless deeley for that as well?
10. Auds | January 10th, 2008 at 11:01
I don’t know. I don’t think it has built in wireless coz I tried going on tinternet with laptop in t’other room, but it didn’t work. What is a wireless deeley? I have just evolved beyond Sony Walkman, young sir.
11. Chris | January 10th, 2008 at 11:51
If you want to go wireless you need two bits of magical kit.
You need the wireless router box that Kev has offered to post you. That plugs into your phone line and beams your internet connection all around the place.
To be able to use it with your laptop, you need the wireless deeley-bopper device in your laptop, which is the other end of your connection.
Imagine a TV transmitter and an aerial to receive the signal. You need both bits of equipment for it to work. But with wireless internet the signal goes both ways.
So you need to know if you have wireless stuff built in to your laptop or if you need to get a new bit of techno-tat to plug in to it.
12. Kevil | January 10th, 2008 at 13:37
eloquently put dear boy!
13. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | January 10th, 2008 at 17:03
What x 2?
14. Auds | January 10th, 2008 at 17:14
Ahem. I have broadband. Does that make a difference? (My phone line doesn’t get tied up). Just send me anything that’ll work, wireless deeley, cat deeley, wheeley deeley, heeley wheeley deeley, WHATEVVA! just wanna be able to use puter whilst sitting up in bed watching trashy television.
I theng yew.
15. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | January 11th, 2008 at 08:57
It’s so Auds doesn’t have to stare at all the weird and wonderful things in my room everytime she wants to log on t’beans. I think Daffy Duck has been giving her the eye.
16. Auds | January 11th, 2008 at 10:10
Best offer I’ve had for a long time. You know you’re in deep shit when you think a duck has the hots for you.
17. Chris | January 11th, 2008 at 11:23
It’s a bit tricky to know what to get if we don’t know whether your laptop has wireless already. Otherwise you might be forking out for stuff you already have.
I always thought Daffy Duck was gay.
18. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | January 11th, 2008 at 12:33
Of course he’s not, he’s a red-blooded bird if I ever saw one.
Although Reuben has taken a shine to him so perhaps…
19. Chris | January 11th, 2008 at 14:09
Are you saying your son plays for the other team? And if so, is that why he likes Feist?
20. Auds | January 11th, 2008 at 15:15
Even being fancied by a gay duck is preferable to not being fancied at all. Don’t know what this puter has. Its a Toshiba laptop, it’s really my brother’s, but he can’t use it right now so I am.
21. Kevil | January 11th, 2008 at 15:46
OK, if i send you a wireless deeleybopper as well that’d be an extra £20, so £68 in total.
I should be able to talk you or ian through it all on the phone. Let me know if that sounds like a shiney bag of shine?
22. Auds | January 11th, 2008 at 17:31
that sounds good. Wait until the end of the month before sending as I am financially insolvent right now, having just returned from the holiday from hell. What is the difference between the one you will send me, and a £30 from argos (please don’t say £18). I dare say it will be the same difference as Nigella’s £329 Kitchen Aid machine, and my £40 Breville one. Both do a good job, but Nigella’s has that LITTLE bit extra. See, everything comes back to Nigella. Aren’t deeley boppers those things you wear on your heed? have been off work sick a week now, it’s all becoming too much for me ………. been watching Brokeback Mountain …….. hm, them boys in them thar mountains …….. am delirious … Heath Ledger looks like Jonny Wilkinson. It’s wrong, I tell you ……
23. Kevil | January 11th, 2008 at 19:06
Exactly… or something. If you get the argos one i wont be able to talk you through it as i dont know how it’ll be set up. If you are ok at following instruction manuals then by all means save yourself some money.
24. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | January 11th, 2008 at 23:46
We reckon he’s driving on the wrong side of the road, yeah. Doesn’t bother us though. It’ll be a laugh, think of all the hil-larious comedic situation we will get into because of it.
“Alright Reuben, I see you’ve brought a friend home. I can tell what kind of homework YOU’LL be getting up to.”
A HAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Oh mercy…
25. Auds | January 12th, 2008 at 10:49
Nope Kev, I bow to your superior knowledge in these matters and will trust the stuff you send me. You see, you start to frighten me when you say things like “set up” and “talk you through it”. I thought it would be something that you can just plug in and switch on and its sorted. Such is my simple take on all things IT.
26. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | January 14th, 2008 at 21:51
It’s not a toaster you know, these things take time.
Kev are you sure you’re not a hostage negotiator? Just when you mention things such as “set up” and “talk you through it”, well, it does make me wonder.
You could set up a dual business; hostage negotiating and dog grooming. Guaranteed winner!
27. Chris | January 14th, 2008 at 22:53
He could groom a poodle while negotiating for hostages, and in doing so, soften the hearts of the hostage-takers.
28. Auds | January 15th, 2008 at 10:46
I think a toaster might do the trick
29. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | January 16th, 2008 at 06:32
In any case the man’s a genius. We should all bow down to that dog-grooming, hostage-negotiating freak 😀