I have heard the news gentlemen! It is a great pleasure to hear that finally a task set by me the Saint King, the king of all saints, of all that is good and saintly and saint and goodly, is complete!
Excellent stuff! I look forward to seeing the photos when they are ready to be uploaded. When the postal strike is over expect many, many jewels of splendour!
15 comments October 9th, 2007
Look at this shit right here. If you type ‘six wide’ into google images this picture comes up. It’s so proud of being six wide it’s described as being a six wide container. There’s also a six wide colour line truck.
If it were me, right, I wouldn’t wanna know me.
                
24 comments September 27th, 2007
Last night as I was rummaging (not a rum and cola rummage I must add) around for some music to listen to and what did I come across? Only the official O’Ffice CD, limited edition of four, that was handed out before we left school for good. I put it in and the memories came flooding back where I had a jolly good time, ahem:
“wasting My LIFE!”
It was when the shit remix of Tesla Coil came on that the tears started and they couldn’t be stopped. It made my current life look very six wide.
11 comments September 27th, 2007
Mr. Cockall interviews tomorrows geniuses (using song)
Who are you?ÂÂ
Gardy Guh-huh-de-ha
What’s the Idea?
Extendo-loins. It’s a way of extending your loins beyond the normal human capacity.
What is it?
In conjunction with a grant by Jerry Loinsford’s Academy, I have been working on stretching parts of the human body starting with the loins. The extendo-loins allows you to stretch them up to an additional one metre and with further research I believe they can go further.
What does it do?
When you’re getting down and funky on the dancefloor and you see a hot bitch shuffling by herself and you want to get her attention you can extend the extendo-loins. Not only will your sexual prowess increase ten-fold but it’ll show her that she’s the only hot bitch for you. If it worked in the seventies it’s bound to work now.
So what are you gonna do about it?
Nothing (!) Mr. Cockall, it’s all in my head >:)
24 comments September 25th, 2007
I typed the words, “crank weasel” into Google and apparently there’s a game called Crank The Weasel. How odd.
                                         
 This is about as exciting as my life gets.
9 comments September 19th, 2007
Well I’m sorry but I’m sick of hearing about her. It’s not nice when people die and it was a bit of a downer when she did but for crying out loud first they had that stupid music gig for her which consisted of a bunch of bands and artists that were loosely connected to her and then they were still showing programs and tributes this weekend. Ten years since she’s been gone, I was half expecting someone to come up with some silly name for the whole affair and due to my bad eyesight and pondiferous imagination I thought they had. There was an advert for that shitty program ‘Dance X’ on BBC1 and I thought it said ‘Diana X’.
It would have tied the whole thing together and annoyed me at the same time. Due to the consistency of her exposure she is, controversially, the silly bint of the month.
21 comments August 28th, 2007
This is at the prospect of another visit to sunny Newcastle for the both of you:
Driving that train, high on cocaine,
Casey Jones you better watch your speed.
Trouble ahead, trouble behind,
And you know that notion just crossed my mind.
This old engine makes it on time,
Leaves Central Station ’bout a quarter to nine,
Hits River Junction at seventeen to,
At a quarter to ten you know it’s drivin again.
I know it’s a song about a train but I couldn’t think of anything involving a car (cars, driving in my car, born to be wild, ace of spades). Alright shut up, no-one asked you!
14 comments August 8th, 2007
I like good music, unlike Marshall and Kevin, and therefore I feel I must push my interests on other people. As a result of this I’m going to promote Fionn Regan for the following reasons:
1. His album, ‘The End Of History’, is brilliant.
2. His voice is great.
3. I liked him before anyone else.
Obviously number three is debateable as I’m sure there were other people before me who liked him but I would still like to pretend I did. To further promote him I’m going to include a picture of his album cover and whoops uncontrollably:
WHOOP! WHOOP! WHOOP!
18 comments August 7th, 2007
GIVE KEVIN HIS MONEY, MARSHALL!
Don’t let it slide bwoi. We’ve got your number, and it’s odd.
14 comments August 7th, 2007