Posts filed under 'Ian'
Look at that below me, right. Look at that sh*t. I don’t care if someone was in a band man I’m in one right now. Yeah. I’m living in the dream. I’m counting the pennies. I’m swirling the hips in the knee-high boots on Shakespeare’s grave. Yeah.
None of us can play instruments and since Paul left Dickinson Dees to join a rival firm in Sunderland is has kind of crippled the whole band ethic and the closeness but we’re still together and still knocking out the tunes like they were sarnies on a Sunday. Here’s a little ditty we’ve been scooping up. This is Snowy Cakes by The Festive Do-ers:
Snowy Cakes – Festive Do-ers
I pieced together snowy cakes from snow that hit my drive
I threw the snowball at my dad, it’s great to be alive!
He didn’t take it badly but he didn’t take it well
He told me I had sinned and I was going straight to hell
I worried all that winter, I never took a rest
In fact I always had to sleep with a knife upon my chest
In case Satan decided to come and get me early
After three long months of sleepless nights dad handed me a curly wurly
It was all a bunch of horrid lies, I was as good as gold
Those eight young years of good behaviour was sufficient, so I was told
To keep my away from fiery gates and the jaws of Mr. Death
It’s a shame I’m such a b*stard now and there is no time left
Going down, going down
Yes I swear I’m going down
Going down, going down
Pretty sure I’m going down.
August 6th, 2007
This is a small note for the, ahem, two or three fellows who might care. I’ve moved out and into a new address with a friend from work 🙂 the address is as follows:
21 Bewick Road
Wallsend
Tyne and Wear
NE28 6SH
Don’t worry about Mr. Smith and anything else that may have been sent recently though as all corresponding mail from my previous address will be handed over to me. Obviously.
July 17th, 2007
Let’s have a quick round-up as we discover what the chuff is going on in the crazy world of the Saint King and his personal army of minions…
Task One – Letters to Emily
Unfortunately it appears as though the person Ian is writing to either doesn’t care, hasn’t received the letters or reads them and is so enfactuated with him that she barely breathes until the next one is posted through her letterbox. This writer cannot confirm which one it is. Here’s a thing; none of the letters have been returned so they must be somewhere. Just as no reply as been received also no letter asking him to stop. All we need is some sort of acknowledge.
Task 2 – Death of Daisy
Not much better news on this next task. After careful consideration, and some not so carefult handiwork with a screwdriver (just kidding), Kevin has decided that she is beyond repair. This is a dark day for such news as it also means that the Saint King’s sister project, ‘The Mackford Files’, will have to be put on hold until a suitable replacement for Daisy can be found. Don’t worry dear boy, you did all you could.
Task Three – Pictures of bitches
With the camera still in the capable hands of Marshall we all eagerly await when it can be passed on to Kevin to continue the task. There is no time limit for this and as previously stated the photos can be of anything you like… as long as they’re to do with you. Feel the pool of you within you and dive in. Or something like that.
July 10th, 2007
Now here’s a curious little oddity.
I just typed ‘Roman Polanski’ into ebay and an item came up for only 99p. It’s a DVD and it’s brand new so it sounds like a good deal and the only downside is that the item is pick up only. It’s being sold from South Korea.
What makes the person think that anyone from the UK, using the UK version of ebay, will hop on a plane, go all the way across to South Korea just to hand over 99p (probably not in pennies) for a DVD?
Look at this link
I think this person is secretly trying to recruit members for some sort of tribute band to rival the other tribute bands and blow them away. You lure them in with cheap DVDs thousands of miles away and then, whoosh, suddenly you’re stood with a bass looking like that one from Def Leppard.
Never talk to strangers kids. Word out.
July 4th, 2007
Neither. I think we needed a new post. Go and check out Liz Hodson’s site – she’s stolen our idea completely because it’s essentially the same layout just with less pictures and more articles about how great Muse are (sheesh). Either that or she’s using the same website doodidian goo-hickey thinga-ma-jig. It’s www.lizziemoogle.com and it’s worth a rant here and there.
I think we should all request access codes so we can put posts on there too, or would it be too much upkeeping two separate websites? Also has anyone seen those god-awful ‘Scooby Doo’ films? They were on ITV a couple of weekends ago and if you have seen it did you think Velma (Linda Cardellini) was way hotter than Daphne (Sarah Michelle Gellar)? Maybe I think too much.
July 4th, 2007
FINALLY! The third part of my master plan can be put into practise. The pitter patter of pitiful pennies are dangling in my back account and therefore we can proceed. As Kevin finishes off dealing with Daisy the Dictaphone and I am continually writing to Miss Emily Brown the third task is passed onto Chris.
It will eventually involve all three of us but Chris, my dear boy, you are to start it off. I shall be sending you a camera in the post very soon. Contained in that little plastic box of black is about twenty-six possible pictures. I think. Your job is to take nine pictures. They can be nine pictures of anything you like. It could be things at work, you with Friya, random objects in your flat, it doesn’t matter. When you have taken said pictures the camera will be passed to Kevin, and then myself who will pay for them to be developed. Copies will be sent on so we can all see what each other has been crazy enough to take their time to take photos of.
Sound good? Well if it doesn’t you cant go listen to Bloc Party. Shiny shiny, shiny boots of leather…
June 26th, 2007
I think you should do another Clifford because I’ve just been re-giggling at it.
I think with the right publicity you could corner the market on 90 second cartoons.
I think Clifford needs some ampage and your the guys to do it.
I think the cartoon should have some loins in it.
June 20th, 2007
Yes I’m afraid it looks as though it is to be my beloved Kirsten Dunst. Many a time have I admired her for looking pretty in ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind’ and feisty in both of them Spiderman films but now it’s no more. The magic is well and truly gone. She has made the silly, silly mistake of deciding to go out with front arsehole of the shithouse band Razorlight, Johnny Borrell. Not only that she has mentioned to press that she would like to act in a film with him. Hmmm, let me see; his acting abilities stretch as far as taking his top off and acting like a knob. It’s a small CV I admit but there must be something out there that would get him started. Perhaps lorry crash victim number four or crash test dummy number two would suffice?
Good bye my dear.
June 13th, 2007
How goes the repair of my beloved Daisy? Does she see life again? Can she walk through the meadows and fields like all those times in her beloved childhood?
I need answers. Also, due to a lack of funds, the third mission is delayed I’m afraid. It’s piss poor but I might be able to squeeze something out in the next week or so. Everybody sing the Klaxons!
June 13th, 2007
I have recently re-discovered a copy of said document in my drawers and wish to point out the following:
1. Apollo now cracks one off every hour.
2. Doreen the Tureen from Turin.
3. Telephoning hot bitch soup.
4. Dave is ‘Simply Man’.
5. Lenin is Russia.
6. She deserves an ice cream.
Also well done to Kev whipping those web monkeys to make the website come back. It has been sorely missed.
June 5th, 2007
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