Really stupid

When I grow up and own lots of land I want to make this cartoon a reality.

 

This indicates how stupid my ideas are.

Do you want to do anything stupid? Or, if you don’t want to answer that question, say so and instead answer this one: what’s your favourite kind of citrus fruit?

10 comments April 30th, 2007

‘Tis a Sad Day…

Unfortunately there was a tragic event that struck last night and because of it ‘The Mackford Files’ will have to go into storage for a while. The dictaphone, or Daisy as I had come to call her, was knocked off by the shoddy wardrobe she was sitting in and fell to the floor. Nothing appears to be wrong with her but she now refuses to work. I have had a few words with an agency and hope to have a replacement soon. Can we all please have a few minutes silence for Daisy though. She lasted ten files, ten files of lovliness, and we all loved her.

God bless you Daisy.

19 comments April 25th, 2007

Poetry: The Night Shift

This is a poem in hateful memory of all the slightly posh teachers at primary school who thought they could climb another rung up the social ladder by pronouncing the word poem as “poym”. It doesn’t make you sound posh, it makes you sound like an arsehole with a speech impediment. Stop it.

Anyway, this is a poem that I haven’t written yet and which I am going to bash out off the cuff in a minute, about working a night shift, which is what I’m doing.

The Night Shift
By Christopher J. Marshall

Here I sit in the office
Dark it is outside
How I long to feel
Sunbeams warm and wide.

As I sit I wonder
What the point may be
For I would not be sat here
If I were a tree.

Soon I will climb the steps
Reach another floor
I will work for one full hour
Behind a wooden door.

Some may think it crazy
Some may think it crude
But I work these hours for money
So I can buy some food.

8 comments April 23rd, 2007

Saint King needs you!

I, being Saint King, king of all the saints and their saintly behaviour, require other beings, whether sainty, kingly or not, to join me, the Saint King, in my quest. It’s a dangerous quest and one that requires the king of the saints, Saint King, to embark outside of his usual kingly responsibilities governing those lovely saints.

If you wish to join the Saint King please reply to this message.

 This is a stand-in for me by the way. I generally don’t have a moustache.

20 comments April 17th, 2007

All is quiet

Seriously, where are you all? I demand a status report of some description.

Since last posting here, I have:

• Eaten 14 slices of toast, of which 12 had apricot jam on them
• Finished my 2 litre bottle of Sainsbury’s own brand cola
• Washed up 6 times
• Decided to leave my winter coat at home, but forgotten to take out my ID badge for work, meaning that for one day I had a temporary pass
• Received 163 junk e-mails
• Caught the 8.53 train to Waterloo once, mistakenly thinking I had to be at work for 9.30, when really I wasn’t needed until 10.15
• Had two fingers of Twix
• Blew my nose in a really satisfying way shortly after my morning shower
• Doodled meaningless things while on the phone thrice.

What have you been up to?

7 comments April 13th, 2007

The last press release

Chris Industries International Ltd. is sorry to announce that its pre-tax profits for the 2006-07 financial year were some way below forecasts.

CII Ltd’s chairman, Chris, blamed the result on the unexpected departure of the public face of the company, Pete Doherty, and the resulting downturn in sales.

Since Mr Doherty’s departure, the company has racked up £14bn in debts, partly due to its poor performance in rotissomat technologies.

The ailing company has been acquired by Richard Branson, who remains optimistic that he can turn around CII’s fortune. From April 10th 2007, CII Ltd will be known as Virgin Pet Care.

3 comments April 7th, 2007

Word of the Week!

This week’s word is Kestrel.

And here is one such creature:

7 comments April 3rd, 2007