Archive for May, 2007
I have a new and exciting way to predict the weather. Based on scientific examination of the weather cycles over the last week, in conjunction with the shift patterns I have worked over the same period of time, I have produced a theory which I am calling the Almighty Theory of Weather By Chris Who Is Great.
The patterns were as follows.
- Monday: off work. Raining.
- Tuesday: at work. Sunny.
- Wednesday: at work. Sunny.
- Thursday: at work. Sunny.
- Friday: at work. Sunny.
- Saturday: off work. Raining.
- Sunday: at work. Dry, but raining heavily when I was out of doors.
- Monday: off work. Raining.
- Today: at work. Dry. Sun is coming out.
My next day off will be Saturday 2nd June. I therefore confidently predict warm, dry weather in the South East of England until Friday. On Saturday I predict rain.
I have developed a second theory as a result of these observations. I have called it the Weather is a Bastard theory.
May 29th, 2007
Yesterday at work someone asked what BST stood for. So we took the mick out of her and pretended it stood for ‘British Sport’s Time’ as in the time when sports started and how it was different in the European Union to the rest of the world.
She didn’t believe it but if anyone would like to state just how silly she is for not knowing what BST stands for please be my guest.
May 24th, 2007
Hey!
I just realised something. In my quest to find Office Four I was trying to think of other places in Leeds and Newcastle where it could be… and it was staring right in my FACE the whole time. Gentlemen, surely www.pouringbeans.com is the fourth office?
May 24th, 2007
Another week, so it’s time for another week of the week! This week’s week is not too weak. It’s 9-15 April 1933.
Sunday 9 April 1933 – Walnut Valley Motorcycle Club holds a race in Winfield, Kansas, where Pete Petross takes third place in the time trials on his Henderson Super X, scoring 38.2 seconds.
Monday 10 April 1933 – Ernest Jones wrote a letter to Sigmund Freud, saying it was a pleasure to hear “your manly and firm tones in these difficult times”.
Tuesday 11 April 1933 – Edward Elgar conducted a performance of his own music which was recorded for release.
Wednesday 12 April 1933 – Montserrat Caballe was born, and later went on to become a backing singer with Queen.
Thursday 13 April 1933 – the American premiere of an English translation of Brecht’s play, Die Dreigroschenoper.
Friday 14 April 1933 – the milk price war continues in America, with shops selling a quart of milk for as little as 7 cents.
Another wonderful week! What are your memories of this highly emotive time?
May 22nd, 2007
Hello. Bit of an announcement, I have now completed moving house. To one which I own (with sarah). Woo Hoo!
Continue Reading May 21st, 2007
This is a solo mission I have granted to one Kevin Hill, second member of the Saint King’s personal service. It was forwarded on Saturday so I, the Saint King, king of all the saints and their saintly behaviour, would hope it would have arrived by now.
Task Two – ‘Mending’. As you are all aware the dictaphone Daisy broke a week or two ago and as such a certain person’s related quest is now postponed for the moment. Striking up such a brilliant brainwave together we decided it might be a fitting task to task one of the new members of the Saint King’s Army with the task of trying to fix Daisy. A letter, the usual disclaimer to the authorities and Daisy should now be in the posession of one Hill. He is to try his best; subsequent missions will be harder so this is a good time to get on the donkey and ride that horse to kingdom come.
Task 3 to follow shortly.
May 16th, 2007
This week’s week of the week is 14-20 November 1869.
Monday 15 November 1869 – Alexander Campbell stood down as Acting Minister of Inland Revenue in Canada.
Tuesday 16 November 1869 – the Suez Canal opened to shipping.
Wednesday 17 November 1869 – the ship Jason docked at Maryborough, Sydney, Australia. John W. Castle was the ship’s master.
Thursday 18 Novemebr 1869 – four days of heavy rainfall in the Texas Hill Country comes to an end.
Friday 19 November 1869 – full moon.
A great week, I’m sure you’ll agree!
May 15th, 2007
Today it is Bank Holiday Monday and also my birthday and I am at work.
Therefore it seems appropriate to share with you the history of the great British bank holiday.
The term “Bank Holiday” is a corrupted form of the olde English “barn collar day”, an event that happened once or twice a year in the summer. Hundreds of medieval folk would take a break from toiling in the fields, put on their smartest clothes – the only ones they owned that had a collar – and danced around a ceremonial barn, usually for upwards of sixteen hours at a time. A hog was roasted and there would also usually be vegetarian lasagne, Wotsits and Tizer.
As the tradition grew older, large communal barns were set up on beaches around the country, allowing as many as 50,000 medieval serfs to revel at once. On the Saturday before Barn Collar Day, thousands of them would get stuck in traffic jams on the motorway trying to get to the seaside for the party.
The practice was outlawed by the Victorians as part of the wide-ranging Enjoyment Prevention Act (1838) and Barn Collar Days were replaced by days off in which the public was expected to sit at home and give thanks to god by being quiet.
The modern idea of a Bank Holiday began in 1859, when those who were unhappy with staying indoors decided to use the day to have a holiday in a bank’s foyer, filling in forms and queueing to speak to cashiers through those little perforated windows. The intention was to get out and have a change of scenery, but by doing it in a bank they could be sure that they didn’t actually enjoy themselves. The practice spread and by 1886, every single person in Britain could be found in a bank every Bank Holiday.
In 1957 Cliff Richard sang a special concert to celebrate the demolition of the Enjoyment Prevention Act, and it is now commemorated every Bank Holiday when millions of people try to get to the seaside on what is guaranteed to be the most miserable day of the summer and have no fun whatsoever.
May 7th, 2007
The recruitment task has been completed. The two members of the new Saint King Army should be returning their forms as we speak. In the meantime the Saint King, king oft he saints and all their saintly behaviour, has set a task for himself before assigning to those in his army.
Task One – ‘Harassment’. I have chosen a celebrity at random and shall be sending precisely one fan letter to their fan address each week. This is to continue until one of the two scenarious happens:
1 – The celebrity writes back.
2 – The celebrity’s representative writes to ask to stop sending letters.
I’m hoping it will be the first one but who can tell in this topsy-turvy world of ours. The letters are polite and well-mannered under the pseudonym Ian McIver, one of the Saint King’s alter egos. And what an ego it is! The first letter has been written and is due to be sent either tomorrow or Saturday depending on the queues in the manky post office in town. Who is the celebrity?
Emily Browning
Check google and wikipedia for pictures and information. Psychadelic Furs!
May 3rd, 2007
This weeks wonderfully wonderous word of the week is…. SPATCHCOCK
“A spatch-cock is a chicken cooking method that is exclusively used for roasting and boiling over a grill/spit. The method of preparing the chicken involves slicing out the backbone of the chicken and flattening it out prior to cooking time.”
It also involves the words spatch and cock which are funny… (sniggers)
Enjoy your spatchcock Sirs….
May 2nd, 2007
