Saint King here, King of the Saints and all their Saintly Behaviour.
I hear the magical camera of wonder has passed unto the hands of Kevin Head. Please confirm that you are duly taking pictures the likes of which the world has never seen.
12 comments July 30th, 2007
Rub these apples over your body!
CLICK THIS LINK FOR SOMETHING BRILLIANT IN FLASH VIDEO FORMAT
Dave’s Elevated Moon Gin Palace and the Knights of Yore is now online! Up yours, George Lucas, I don’t see Star Wars on my website. No, DEMGPATKOY wins again.
Is this good beefs? Do you want more films online in this sexy way?
15 comments July 26th, 2007
As I’m sure you’re all aware, there’s been another round of flooding down south, which is tragic and very sad, and I genuinely feel sorry for people whose houses are now 5foot under water. However, its very hard to feel sorry for some people, and those people have names, CARAVANERS. Just look at this stupid bunch…
What were they thinking? I have an idea…
George: “Ooh, I know Mildred lits go away in the caravan this weekend”
Mildred: “Aren’t there severe flood warnings all over the country this weekend?”
George: “Yes dear, but we’ll be in the caravan, the Maurauder II Caravan Mk3 can take it”
Mildred: “If you say so dear…”
YOU STUPID BASTARDS.
21 comments July 23rd, 2007
So I get up, mid-afternoon, ready for a night shift tonight. I decide at about 4pm that it’s time to go out to Sainsbury’s for some bits and pieces I need. On my way downstairs I pick up some crap that needs taking to the bin and I take it down with me, put it all in the bin, and turn around to close the door.
I look at the front door. It has a yale lock and a normal key sort of lock. I think “the neighbours are away, so I should lock both of them”. I reach into my pocket. I find no keys.
Luckily, the door is still open. I run upstairs, shouting a long, slow-motion “NOOOOOOO!” as I do, and yes – just as I had feared – the door to my flat is locked and burglar-proof. I turn the handle anyway and try to push it open a few times. Sadly the lock on the other side of it has not mysteriously evaporated and the door does not open.
Because I was going out anyway I have my phone and my wallet with me. So I have just spent the last two hours – TWO, count ’em – getting a bus and a tube and another tube to Notting Hill Gate, walking ten minutes in the rain to where Friya works, getting her spare keys off her, walking some more in the rain, getting another tube, and another one, and another bus back home.
I will be getting spare keys cut and leaving them hidden in some cunning location.
(It could be worse. I could have left my phone behind, and the door downstairs could have been locked. Then I would have been trapped on the stairs with two bags of rubbish and no way to get help.)
15 comments July 19th, 2007
This is a small note for the, ahem, two or three fellows who might care. I’ve moved out and into a new address with a friend from work 🙂 the address is as follows:
21 Bewick Road
Wallsend
Tyne and Wear
NE28 6SH
Don’t worry about Mr. Smith and anything else that may have been sent recently though as all corresponding mail from my previous address will be handed over to me. Obviously.
16 comments July 17th, 2007
…and gets put in envelopes and posted to people.
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You can expect your complimentary preview copy of Mr Smith and the Drill in the post shortly.
24 comments July 15th, 2007
Let’s have a quick round-up as we discover what the chuff is going on in the crazy world of the Saint King and his personal army of minions…
Task One – Letters to Emily
Unfortunately it appears as though the person Ian is writing to either doesn’t care, hasn’t received the letters or reads them and is so enfactuated with him that she barely breathes until the next one is posted through her letterbox. This writer cannot confirm which one it is. Here’s a thing; none of the letters have been returned so they must be somewhere. Just as no reply as been received also no letter asking him to stop. All we need is some sort of acknowledge.
Task 2 – Death of Daisy
Not much better news on this next task. After careful consideration, and some not so carefult handiwork with a screwdriver (just kidding), Kevin has decided that she is beyond repair. This is a dark day for such news as it also means that the Saint King’s sister project, ‘The Mackford Files’, will have to be put on hold until a suitable replacement for Daisy can be found. Don’t worry dear boy, you did all you could.
Task Three – Pictures of bitches
With the camera still in the capable hands of Marshall we all eagerly await when it can be passed on to Kevin to continue the task. There is no time limit for this and as previously stated the photos can be of anything you like… as long as they’re to do with you. Feel the pool of you within you and dive in. Or something like that.
15 comments July 10th, 2007
This post is all about how little I have to say at this time. I am writing it, nonetheless, because I want to write something and there hasn’t been a new article here for a long time. So I am typing this and even as I do so I barely know what the next word will be. So far I have managed to type it in one continuous stream but I fear that soon I will run dry and have to stop for a think.
That paragraph break bought me enough time to work out that I should tell you about the thunderstorm. There is a thunderstorm here, you see, and it’s quite loud.
In a bit I will have to go back to work. First, though, I would like all comments for this item to begin with the words “Actually, you can do that because”. For example, if you wanted to tell me how wonderful you found this item, you might write:
Actually, you can do that because although you had nothing to say, you did say it very well. Therefore the idea that you can’t just write a blog post about nothing is unfounded.
I have had enough blathering and I will stop typing…
HERE.
10 comments July 9th, 2007
Now here’s a curious little oddity.
I just typed ‘Roman Polanski’ into ebay and an item came up for only 99p. It’s a DVD and it’s brand new so it sounds like a good deal and the only downside is that the item is pick up only. It’s being sold from South Korea.
What makes the person think that anyone from the UK, using the UK version of ebay, will hop on a plane, go all the way across to South Korea just to hand over 99p (probably not in pennies) for a DVD?
I think this person is secretly trying to recruit members for some sort of tribute band to rival the other tribute bands and blow them away. You lure them in with cheap DVDs thousands of miles away and then, whoosh, suddenly you’re stood with a bass looking like that one from Def Leppard.
Never talk to strangers kids. Word out.
13 comments July 4th, 2007
Neither. I think we needed a new post. Go and check out Liz Hodson’s site – she’s stolen our idea completely because it’s essentially the same layout just with less pictures and more articles about how great Muse are (sheesh). Either that or she’s using the same website doodidian goo-hickey thinga-ma-jig. It’s www.lizziemoogle.com and it’s worth a rant here and there.
I think we should all request access codes so we can put posts on there too, or would it be too much upkeeping two separate websites? Also has anyone seen those god-awful ‘Scooby Doo’ films? They were on ITV a couple of weekends ago and if you have seen it did you think Velma (Linda Cardellini) was way hotter than Daphne (Sarah Michelle Gellar)? Maybe I think too much.
10 comments July 4th, 2007
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