I wonder if you out there in the virtual haven of The Beans can help me answer a question which I have been pondering for a while?
Which is better a slice of cake or a whole bun?
vs 
The two things are generally evenly(ish) sized. On one hand you get the satisfaction of knowing you have eaten the whole of something but on the other hand you get to share in the joy with someone else. Which is better…. You decide…
19 comments August 20th, 2007
As I’m sure you’re all aware, there’s been another round of flooding down south, which is tragic and very sad, and I genuinely feel sorry for people whose houses are now 5foot under water. However, its very hard to feel sorry for some people, and those people have names, CARAVANERS. Just look at this stupid bunch…
What were they thinking? I have an idea…
George: “Ooh, I know Mildred lits go away in the caravan this weekend”
Mildred: “Aren’t there severe flood warnings all over the country this weekend?”
George: “Yes dear, but we’ll be in the caravan, the Maurauder II Caravan Mk3 can take it”
Mildred: “If you say so dear…”
YOU STUPID BASTARDS.
21 comments July 23rd, 2007
I have a new and exciting way to predict the weather. Based on scientific examination of the weather cycles over the last week, in conjunction with the shift patterns I have worked over the same period of time, I have produced a theory which I am calling the Almighty Theory of Weather By Chris Who Is Great.
The patterns were as follows.
My next day off will be Saturday 2nd June. I therefore confidently predict warm, dry weather in the South East of England until Friday. On Saturday I predict rain.
I have developed a second theory as a result of these observations. I have called it the Weather is a Bastard theory.
7 comments May 29th, 2007
Today it is Bank Holiday Monday and also my birthday and I am at work.
Therefore it seems appropriate to share with you the history of the great British bank holiday.
The term “Bank Holiday” is a corrupted form of the olde English “barn collar day”, an event that happened once or twice a year in the summer. Hundreds of medieval folk would take a break from toiling in the fields, put on their smartest clothes – the only ones they owned that had a collar – and danced around a ceremonial barn, usually for upwards of sixteen hours at a time. A hog was roasted and there would also usually be vegetarian lasagne, Wotsits and Tizer.
As the tradition grew older, large communal barns were set up on beaches around the country, allowing as many as 50,000 medieval serfs to revel at once. On the Saturday before Barn Collar Day, thousands of them would get stuck in traffic jams on the motorway trying to get to the seaside for the party.
The practice was outlawed by the Victorians as part of the wide-ranging Enjoyment Prevention Act (1838) and Barn Collar Days were replaced by days off in which the public was expected to sit at home and give thanks to god by being quiet.
The modern idea of a Bank Holiday began in 1859, when those who were unhappy with staying indoors decided to use the day to have a holiday in a bank’s foyer, filling in forms and queueing to speak to cashiers through those little perforated windows. The intention was to get out and have a change of scenery, but by doing it in a bank they could be sure that they didn’t actually enjoy themselves. The practice spread and by 1886, every single person in Britain could be found in a bank every Bank Holiday.
In 1957 Cliff Richard sang a special concert to celebrate the demolition of the Enjoyment Prevention Act, and it is now commemorated every Bank Holiday when millions of people try to get to the seaside on what is guaranteed to be the most miserable day of the summer and have no fun whatsoever.
16 comments May 7th, 2007
When I grow up and own lots of land I want to make this cartoon a reality.
Â
This indicates how stupid my ideas are.
Do you want to do anything stupid? Or, if you don’t want to answer that question, say so and instead answer this one: what’s your favourite kind of citrus fruit?
10 comments April 30th, 2007
Seriously, where are you all? I demand a status report of some description.
Since last posting here, I have:
What have you been up to?
7 comments April 13th, 2007
I was just thinking…. “aren’t I great” and then i thought… “Yes, yes I am”.
So I thought i’d come on here and share that thought with you, my bestest friends in the world, after the missus (kate) of course! But she was busy, out buying talc in small bags or something, beats me!
Anyway, back to me. I think that I am possibly the best musician since.. erm.. John Lennon, now that dude could thrust some good loinage! Add to that the fact that I’m so good looking and have a great bird and you think I’m ace, That makes me pretty much the bestest man ever.
peace.
4 comments November 17th, 2006
Following on from our previous exploration of this topic, today I passed this outlet in Leeds Market:
Kelly’s Kitchen
At first it seems great, but not so. It clearly explains that this is the Kitchen owned by Kelly, but why? Does she sell of chunks of it to the public? Is it actually just her own personal kitchen that she installed in a unit in the market so she can access it in a convenient city centre location?
As far as I can tell she sells butties and hot breakfasts. What should it be called?
4 comments November 15th, 2006
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