2008
It’s the new year, and I’m the first bastard to post anything here.
I’m at work today.
That is all.
Happy new year, Beansmeisters!
33 comments January 1st, 2008
Posts filed under 'Great'
Book (Beyatch Book) Beyatch
I have now completed scanning of all of the book, and it now exists as a set of colour image files on my hard disk and also inside my brain. It can be seen as a PDF or as a clever Flash thing that lets you click through the images. It can also be seen as slightly questionable behaviour for three grown men.
But before anything can be done – anything at all – we need the glorious Mr. Kev to somehow make these items appear upon this website so they can be viewed with our eyes, minds and hearts.
Glorious Mr. Kev, lead on! We are your tragic minions!
17 comments December 9th, 2007
Mr Smudgey Exposes Himself
Hello, my name is Mr Smudgey and I am here to prove to you and everyone else watching that I am the most famous man on the planet at this very point in time. It was close recently as there was a man who balanced bananas on his nose as he read Shakespeare to a bottle-nose dolphin in a telephone box but that was just a rumour. It is time for another reference point so you bask in my celebrity status.
Point Number Two – hiding in the background of the sleeve for the Eagles album ‘Hotel California’.
It’s a bit hard to make out in this but I’m climbing the third tree from the left. I was staying in the hotel across the road which was aptly named ‘Hotel Opposite’. In between my early morning sessions of fung shui and that weird sh*t people do on big lawns I thought it would be a good laugh to look for coconuts. It was only when I looked down to see some idiot with a camera that I panicked, let go of the trunk and fell to the ground. The picture, mfwah mfwah, doesn’t reveal the fact that I spent three months in traction because of it.
I denied all knowledge of this particular exposure because, well, the Eagles suck d*ck big time. I am on a quest for status though so I must lay these demons to rest and own up. Hey, I’ve done worse things.
32 comments November 27th, 2007
Mr Smudgey Exposes Himself
Hello, my name is Mr Smudgey and I am here to prove to you and everyone else watching that I am the most famous man on the planet at this very point in time. Wait… no it’s still me. Tom Cruise was close there. You may think you don’t know who I am but boy is that going to change. To prove my point I am going to show you all the various sources of my hidden exposure and bring them to the surface for everyone to see. That way I can be praised for the future A-lister I am.
Point Number One – referred to in the song ‘Mad World’ by Tears for Fears and then later sung by some burk in a flat cap.
“I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad,
 These dreams of Mr Smudgey are the best I ever had”
Hand over the royalties Roland whatsisface, I was clearly the inspiration for that song and without me it would have disappeared without a trace. People secretly bought it for the reference to me. Don’t bother with a cheque just leave a small suitcase outside my basement bedroom window, but make sure you don’t wake my parents up!
17 comments November 6th, 2007
Childish tendencies
Just in case anyone is interested I seem to have stumbled across “the web’s original, biggest and most comprehensive site dedicated to UK actress Anna Friel.”
Look at the imaginative colour scheme! Bask at the informative links! And look, you can even purchase an off-line copy so you can peruse it when you’re not on the internet. I don’t know about you but I’m hooked!
*Sarcasm machine breaks from too much*
16 comments October 29th, 2007
Proper Company Names – Update
Following on from the original ‘Property Company Names’ segment of the website Audrey recently came across one which I believe is an almost, if not absolutely, perfect example of how to name your company properly:
‘Mr. Grumbley’s Window Cleaning Service’
It’s got everything: the guy’s name, what he does and suggesting the possibility that, despite it being his surname, he might not like it too. I’d grumble if I had to clean windows all day.
How about them apples?
7 comments October 26th, 2007
Glorious Gravy
It’s about time there was a post on here celebrating the wonder that is… gravy!
Yes, it’s everyone’s favourite kind of brown, meaty sauce and in a recent survey 79% of respondents said they preferred gravy. 87% said they would rather have gravy on their Sunday roast than hot piss. And in the Bible (Roasts 15:12) did Jesus himself not say “those who pour Bisto on their roast spuds are the most divine in thine eyes, o Lord”? Yes, I think he did.
In light of this, I am declaring this Pouring Beans National Gravy Week-a-thon and I aim to have some gravy at some point this week. Possibly just a big steaming mug of it with my breakfast. Oh yes.
Hooray for gravy!
19 comments October 21st, 2007
Zorses
Yes! It’s a lovely zorse, with a weird woman on top.
I don’t really have anything more to say in this post, and its purpose was basically just to bring to your attention the vital information that zorses do exist, and that they are hybrids made when a male zebra gets jiggy with a lady horse. (If it’s the other way round, with a stallion makin’ whuppee with a zebrette, you get a hebra.)
I will now leave you with a little Zorse gallery.
 
 
30 comments August 17th, 2007
Road Trip
This is at the prospect of another visit to sunny Newcastle for the both of you:
Driving that train, high on cocaine,
Casey Jones you better watch your speed.
Trouble ahead, trouble behind,
And you know that notion just crossed my mind.
This old engine makes it on time,
Leaves Central Station ’bout a quarter to nine,
Hits River Junction at seventeen to,
At a quarter to ten you know it’s drivin again.
I know it’s a song about a train but I couldn’t think of anything involving a car (cars, driving in my car, born to be wild, ace of spades). Alright shut up, no-one asked you!
14 comments August 8th, 2007
Should we talk about the weather? Should we talk about the government?
Neither. I think we needed a new post. Go and check out Liz Hodson’s site – she’s stolen our idea completely because it’s essentially the same layout just with less pictures and more articles about how great Muse are (sheesh). Either that or she’s using the same website doodidian goo-hickey thinga-ma-jig. It’s www.lizziemoogle.com and it’s worth a rant here and there.
I think we should all request access codes so we can put posts on there too, or would it be too much upkeeping two separate websites? Also has anyone seen those god-awful ‘Scooby Doo’ films? They were on ITV a couple of weekends ago and if you have seen it did you think Velma (Linda Cardellini)Â was way hotter than Daphne (Sarah Michelle Gellar)? Maybe I think too much.
10 comments July 4th, 2007