Posts filed under 'Tragic'
Now that I am twenty-five years old I am now allowed to heartily endorse anything I see fit. It was only twenty years ago that the law was passed by Mr G. Bus of Redcar, whereby once a person passes into the realm of mid-twenties they can flim flam about anything they like and not feel prejudiced in any way. The first few years were a struggle; who could forget Jammy Arsen and his declaration of loving bunnies, painted white and balancing on top of Leicester Square? And what about Lulu Bankshaft? I doubt she’ll be shouting about Betamax anymore the silly mare.
I don’t want to put all my toes in the same basket so for now my endorsements will be hast and fard. Right now, as in now, as in not anytime before or possibly anytime in the future, I want to endorse that which is most dear to me. Thrusting. I heartily endorse thrusting in every way, shape and form.
If only Jerry was here. I wonder what he’s doing now…
November 20th, 2008
Alright so we should have done this a couple of months ago but you know us, we couldn’t plan some sort of social arrangement in a tavern. Clearly the Beans is pouring money down a dirty, dirty drain and we’ve gotta make some readies otherwise we’ll be left with nothing but comfortable responsibility on our backs.
I’m suggesting a full frontal people. We have to attack those stupid bitches with their brimming wallets with the crappiest, shoddiest shit we can find. Get out your permanent markers; it’s a free for all!
Okay that’s enough army chit chat. I think with the amount of material we’ve got on the site we could muster something along the loins, lines, loins, lines of christmas cards, mugs and t-shirts. Think about everything we say… who wouldn’t want a t-shirt that said ‘Grand Mal’ on it? Here’s a comprehensive list I made up on the spot of the top whatevers we regularly say:
1. You see you, right…
2. Grand Mal
3. Skippety Bee Ba
4. I like / don’t like those apples
5. Loins
Thems makes goods moneys, no’s?
November 3rd, 2008
I’M BORED.
Also I drew this:
August 27th, 2008
Being a bit of a mad thing, I’ve agreed to do overtime today, making this a six-day week, and then after that, also agreed to make it a double. Technically that means I am on shift from 12 noon today until 7.30am tomorrow. In reality, I don’t need to turn up until 3pm and I’ll be finishing a little bit early.
Because I know that everyone who reads this blog hangs on my every word, I’ll be trying to keep you updated with how I get on. Mm! Excitement!
11.35
My landlord wanted to show some people round my flat so I had to get up at 8am instead of my planned 11 or 12. Hooray. That means I’m awake for seven hours before I even start. Plus it’s incredibly hot down here in the tropical south and I didn’t sleep very well.
I’ve set myself up for a brilliant night at work! Whoooo!
15.10
I’ve just arrived at work and I can’t remember the last time it was this hot. OH MY GOD. I am the sweatiest person I’ve ever met just now. I just printed off my rota and it looks very long. On the other hand, I had time to have a tasty lunch at home, which was quite nice. Every cloud has a silver lining.
20.55
Just had some coffee. I need it for the energy but I fear the comedown which will be in the wee small hours. I’m also strangely cold and sweaty. It was a hot sticky day today, but you’d think that after a good six hours of windowless air conditioning here I’d be used to it now. I’m starting to think I’m ill, or maybe there’s something up with my metabolism. Seeing shapes in front of my eyes. Can hear some strange, unidentifiable music now and then. Could swear there’s someone behind me at times.
01.20
Think I have just been on a train, though I’m not sure whether it was real or not. It was doing little circular rides around the top of the building. After that I abseiled down to the canteen where I had a nice chat with Philip Schofield. It took me ages to work out what didn’t look right about him, and eventually I spotted that instead of a torso, he just had the hot water machine from the staff canteen there, with his arms and legs sellotaped to it.
I had a weird herbal tea thing earlier this evening and I’m starting to wonder if there was something funny in it.
05.10
Fifty minutes to go. I can no longer see anything. Is this Facebook?
14.10
Meant to stop this at the end of the shift, but I’m going to add a line in homage to the absolute bastard who lives on the ground floor of this building. He has chosen today to replace the roof over his kitchen, so when I should have been sleeping soundly after my 24-hour day, instead I was lying awake listening to continuous drilling and hammering. Wanker. He’s still at it now. I plan to go to bed as soon as it starts to get dark, and probably sleep until Thursday, and if he’s still hammering away then I’ll start pouring boiling water over him.
July 28th, 2008
Now then. I’ve added a clever deeley called Google analytics to our wee site, that tells us, not only, how many people have looked at our site, but also where they are in the world, and if they used a search engine to find us, what they searched for.
Its been on here since last wednesday and below are the things people have searched for and ended up on our glorious page:
1. nigella lawson nipples
2. clever advertising
3. christa ackroyd
4. christmas tree dalek
5. cockall
6. custard beans
7. funny bedtime stories
8. how to spatch cock a chicken
9. jack pinata
10. jam pandas
11. lynda bellingham boobs
12. nigella cook nipples
13. olden day daleks
14. rotissomat
15. stray home bedtime story
16. what does bint mean
July 22nd, 2008
We are now all up and running again!
We do look exactly the same as we used to (except for the categories is now a drop down box) But rest assured we are nothing like the same as we used to be. We have moved up many versions of the software, which you’ll notice when you log into the admin deeley. There are also some new things like we can add picture galleries to posts. Which is nice. Basically if a button is new, click it and see what it does!
Enjoy.
April 4th, 2008
Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if they lead nowhere?
This is the question posed by up-and-coming much-hyped London-based soul-diva-to-be cliché-strewn Silly Bint, Adele, in one of her stupid songs. In it, she is asking a rhetorical question to do with some sort of nonsense about chasing pavements.
You see, I understand that, in this post-Amy Winehouse world, record companies are looking at the success of the drug-addled bint who we spurned and decked last month and are searching for more acts who sound like 60s motown/soul singers. I understand that once you have one thing that is a bit different and very successful, there will soon be many more copying the style.
Adele’s binthood is not based on that fact alone (though believe me, it contributes to it). No, what I object to is the fact that she has to be one of them. Her voice is bad. For gods sake, get some Lemsip down you love, your vocal chords are cracking up and at this rate you’ll lose your voice. That’s not nice to listen to. Her songs all sound like they’ve been factory-produced by a record company too, carefully designed to make that old-style-soul sound and way over-produced. I have had enough of this kind of shite filling the world with its meaningless noise. Chasing pavements? What is that, anyway?
This month I nearly selected Duffy, who is much the same, and who was in the same year as me at university. One of the key things that annoys me about her is that most of the people I went to uni with remember her, and I don’t think I met her. But her voice isn’t as annoying as Adele’s.
Also, why don’t these people have surnames? How are you supposed to look them up in the phone book? Mm, that’ll do for now. And relax.
February 11th, 2008
I know, I know, its taken me ages, blah blah.
But now…. I proudly present to you:
THE BOOK
Enjoy…
February 4th, 2008
Given Kev’s seemingly endless supply of scat-isms I suggest that we put him forward for the next series of ‘Britain’s Got Talent’, or whatever b*ggery b*llocks is auditioning around the same time. I mean he can also poom groodles, I mean groom poodles. That must count for something right?
We could make a bit of money from it. The proceeds could then be put forward for nationwide distribution of the ‘Nish’ series and perhaps even a publication of both copies of semi-autobiographical ‘Erudite Musings on the Human Condition’.
January 7th, 2008
Next Posts
Previous Posts
