Posts filed under 'Gravy'
This morning I woke up and I decided to lie in bed a little bit longer before I got up at my usual time. My usual time is 8:12 because I like the even numbers. If I wake up at an odd numbered time I immediately close my eyes and pretend to sleep until the time flashes to an even number, than I wake up. Titter titter.
For breakfast I put two pieces of bread into the toaster and heated them up until they weren’t white anymore. Only two minutes and out they came, brown as brown, hot and toasted somewhat. After opening the fridge I decided upon two different spreads for my toast; butter and jam. It was a tough choice between strawberry and blackberry but in the end strawberry won for the following reasons:
1) it has strawberries in it
2) it tastes like strawberries and
3) the other one doesn’t have strawberries in it
I put the layer of butter on before the strawberry jam because that is very important. If you don’t put the butter on first then it goes very wrong. I spent several minutes deciding whether or not to remove the crusts from the pieces of toast eventually ending on the decision to leave them on because my hair is already curly and anymore curliness won’t damage my hair. I then moved my attentions to the kettle where I stood for the next hour…
(to continue at a time when it becomes more exciting)
September 22nd, 2009
Could do with some help here. I know what BEEF is, that’s no problem. It’s delicious.
But I can’t work out what BEEF stands for. Do you know?
August 6th, 2009
You want action? You want adventure? You want girls (or maybe just one)?
You need VIXEN HAWK!
Episode One – The Pilot Episode
Young Victoria wakes up from a twelve month coma and realises that not only does she possess the strength of twelve women but she can run as fast as a chip van, possibly twelve. It all could be traced back to that bizarre traffic accident when she crossed the road only to be mauled by a helicopter full of strange glowing vats of oozing goo. There was a symbol on the side but gosh, Victoria just can’t quite remember it. Perhaps she will in twenty episodes time though, in time for the two-parter towards the end of the series.
First though to action. No longer known by her name, Victoria has a quick costume change and covering her face with a mask made of velour she becomes the ass-kicking, villain-snubbing, chip van-chasing Vixen Hawk.
She needs answers. Vixen traces the pilot of the helicopter to his grave; he’s dead. His brother could hold some answers but alas he too died in the accident. His sister survived the accident but broke her ankle stepping out the ambulance and broke to death.
Tragedy follows Vixen like a crow with a bad chude. Not only does she need to solve this mystery but work out how to get her old job at the office back and resume her relationship with Bobby Paul. Too much for a one hour pilot; definitely needs a series. And so it did.
CULT SERIES PULP! READ MORE SOON!
May 27th, 2009
I knew it.
It was as if it came to me in a a dream, but not really a dream. A sort of fluffy dream cloud, like a dream, where it rested in my ears and settled like snow on a quilted meadowtop. In any case I have found conclusive proof that somebody, someone, a certain person predicted the glocal recession YEARS before. Oh yes, after much digging and deliberation I can reveal that that person is… Shania Twain.
Oh you may scoff like the rest of them did but here’s the proof chummies. Read these lyrics from her multi-award-winning best-single-ever song ‘Ka-Ching’:
“We’ve created us a credit card mess
We spend the money we don’t possess
Our religion is to go and blow it all
So it’s shopping every Sunday at the mall.”
And:
“When you’re broke go and get a loan
Take out another mortgage on your home
Consolidate so you can afford
To go an spend some more when you get bored.”
See? This was back in 2003. I didn’t see U2 or Bob Geldof grabbing a microphone and trying to warn us but she had the foresight. Even though the song was shit she dared to stand up and predict the future. Madam, I gesticulate in your general direction.
April 9th, 2009
Here’s my calendar picture for this month.
I’m inside the building on the left, on the second floor, in a room at the back, wearing stockings, suspenders and a pair of Daffy Duck boxer shorts that are rather figure-hugging.
April 4th, 2009
look at this with your eyes (not marshmallows)
what do you think?
December 4th, 2008
Alright so we should have done this a couple of months ago but you know us, we couldn’t plan some sort of social arrangement in a tavern. Clearly the Beans is pouring money down a dirty, dirty drain and we’ve gotta make some readies otherwise we’ll be left with nothing but comfortable responsibility on our backs.
I’m suggesting a full frontal people. We have to attack those stupid bitches with their brimming wallets with the crappiest, shoddiest shit we can find. Get out your permanent markers; it’s a free for all!
Okay that’s enough army chit chat. I think with the amount of material we’ve got on the site we could muster something along the loins, lines, loins, lines of christmas cards, mugs and t-shirts. Think about everything we say… who wouldn’t want a t-shirt that said ‘Grand Mal’ on it? Here’s a comprehensive list I made up on the spot of the top whatevers we regularly say:
1. You see you, right…
2. Grand Mal
3. Skippety Bee Ba
4. I like / don’t like those apples
5. Loins
Thems makes goods moneys, no’s?
November 3rd, 2008
This afternoon, it was brought to my attention (by Mr. Marshall) that another blog was linking directly to images on our glorious site.
The image in question is the Eagles album cover that Ian opsted in his Mr Smudgey Exposé. As you can see if you visit the offending blog, we were a bit devious about getting his to think about stopping doing it…
http://blogdoikee.blogspot.com/2008/04/eagles-1976-hotel-california-01-hotel.html
Tee hee hee.
April 9th, 2008
We are now all up and running again!
We do look exactly the same as we used to (except for the categories is now a drop down box) But rest assured we are nothing like the same as we used to be. We have moved up many versions of the software, which you’ll notice when you log into the admin deeley. There are also some new things like we can add picture galleries to posts. Which is nice. Basically if a button is new, click it and see what it does!
Enjoy.
April 4th, 2008
One day Circulus Maximus was eating a pork chop with Triangulus Boonicus and the rain started to fall. As it happens there was a cave nearby and the two heroes of maths took shelter. Inside was a bear who was trapped in a cage of logic. Because he couldn’t reason he couldn’t work out how to escape and that was his fate. Seven long years had he been there, unbeknown to the two shapes, surviving on a diet of wind and hair. Circulus looked at the bear and gently stroked him on the head. Seeing the effect that solitary confinement had taken on him he took pity on the bear and threw him an equation of pig. The bear gladly took him up on his offer and demolished the snack without a pause to consider what the question was really asking.
The cries of the bear rattled through the cave all night. By the time morning came Triangulus had had enough and used his spear of subtraction to jimmy the lock of the cage. The animal was free! He promptly ate both Circulus Maximus and Triangulus Boonicus.
Q: What should we learn about this?
A: It’s all about the science, not the maths.
February 5th, 2008
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