Posts filed under 'What I Did Today'
Over the last couple of days I went on a massive weekend-long bender. It wasn’t a homoerotic bender or a drug bender, nor was I getting drunk or pissed up on booze. No, I was ODing on my new flat. I went in there and had a big sniff and didn’t leave it all weekend. Why? Because it’s MINE!
This is a picture of my new abode to be, into which I will insert my face on the 30th December. After that time the Chris Hotel will be available for anyone who cares to haul their candy ass down to London Town.
I’m bored of typing in that stupid way so I’m just doing it normally now.
The white-walled wonder you see above is costing me the breathtaking sum of £195 a week. If only I had that sort of money to burn! Instead, I can’t burn it because I have to give it all to my landlord. Grrr. Them’s the sort of apples that make me skint.
December 19th, 2006
Today I passed my driving test!
I am now free to mow down pedestrians and pimp my ride. Woo!
(I don’t have a ride though. Please donate to the Get Chris A Ride to Pimp fund.)
December 11th, 2006
Do you remember this?
“I wonder how many Metro readers will be disappointed following the article about illegal camera signs (Metro, Wed)? The black border is specified in traffic-sign legislation. The reason signs in Teesside were incorrect was that they showed the speed camera symbol on a yellow background, when it should have been in a black-bordered white box. Signs on white with black borders are legal, and won’t get you off the hook.”
By the way I wrote this, this is all my own work 🙂
November 22nd, 2006
It’s very simple (I just thought it up). All you do is you say:
When was the last time you got your knob out in public?
Their look will probably be of disgust and they will deny all knowledge of ever doing such a thing. Then you look smug and say:
So your trousers must be quite wet then? 😀
Then you laugh and walk away because you’re cleverer than them and it’ll take them a while to work out what’s the beef. Ha! One in the eye for me. Try it on tards!
October 31st, 2006
After much anticipation the next “World Exclusive” has arrived on PouringBeans.com
THE GALLERY
Marvel in its wonderous masterpieces, then get bored and go get some nachos… I dares ya.
October 27th, 2006
Quick…. Everybody look…. Clifford is here.
CLICK NOW
October 27th, 2006
Today there was a bus strike. I knew about this strike but yet was unprepared for the role that was selected for me to handle. The bus came at 8:15am and I got on where I was told not only were they not selling week tickets today and only 50p was required but that the driver wasn’t too sure of the route the bus took. So I was forced to stand at the front with him directing his unsure ass around the many twists and turns of the bus route of the 22.
I could have sent us all over the place but I chose to go the right way. I CHOSE! I WAS IN CHARGE! Gimme power gimme gimme! More more more, now now now, mmmmmm… loin-ripplingly good!
October 23rd, 2006
Following extensive research*, Kev and I are able to reveal that the word below has never been published anywhere on the internet before now. Once it has been published it will – until it becomes a worldwide phenomenon and all the kids are saying it – be the sole incarnation of this word to grace the inforweb superhighnet.
MINTYFLAP
I don’t know about you but I feel pretty humble.
* we did a search on Google
September 23rd, 2006
It’s an exciting day here at work!
Today I came in and was told the glorious news that my ID card is ready. That means that I now have my very own dangly tag thing on a cord (like those dog leads that extend) with my name and my picture on it. And it OPENS DOORS! I put it on a little thing and it goes beep and the door opens! Magical!
Do you have one of these? If so, does it excite you as much as mine excites me?
September 11th, 2006
Following the successful completion of the Go There and Do Things DVD, containing all four erotic movies, I’ve updated my website to show the details of the two latest episodes.
Click for vastness
Click this very, very, very long link in order to view the ‘Video’ page of my website, from which you can select which of the four episodes you wish to investigate further, or if you prefer, select another movie outside the ‘Go There and Do Things’ series to look at instead, after which you can either continue to browse my website or you can return to Pouring Beans to browse other articles, or leave a comment. It’s up to you.
September 7th, 2006
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