MALLETT UPDATE
The Timmy Mallett interview, as well as a load of other random stuff that goes you a taste of what I spent the last three years doing, is now here:
http://www.chris5156.com/radio/markandchris.html
😀
June 15th, 2006 Chris
Nasal harps – a novel idea
Mr. Cockall interviews tomorrows geniuses (using song)
Who are you?
Ebeneezer Cheesegrater
What’s the Idea?
For many years I have suffered the twin agonies of excessive nasal hair and a lack of musical talent. I’ve solved both problems in one.
What is it?
Music up your nose.
What does it do?
It’s quite simple – you go to one of my rapidly expanding chain of Nosatariums, where (for a reasonable per-hair fee) they will tie together pairs of your nose hairs to pull them taut across your nostrils. Then, with a special nasal plectrum, you can play the hairs just like a harp, making beautiful music and keeping your unsightly growths out of sight at the same time.
So what are you gonna do about it?
Nothing (!) Mr. Cockall, it’s all in my head >:)
8 comments June 14th, 2006 Chris
Dehydrated Water – a novel idea
Mr. Cockall interviews tomorrows geniuses (using song)
Who are you?Â
Susan Winkerplott
What’s the Idea?
I’ve developed a simple and effective way of having a drink. Simpler than turning on the tap! My idea is the soon-to-be multi-award winning Dehydrated Water.
What is it?
It’s summer refreshment in a bag. It’s lovliness in a foil package. It’s the future of drinks, snacks, the whole caboodle.
What does it do?
On a hot day you need to keep full of fluids, but not so much that when you jump up and down you hear that weird watery sound in your stomach. All you have to do is open the sachet, pour out the contents into a glass and add water. Hey presto, instant water! At the drop of a hat. Right there in front of you. It’s unbelievable.
So what are you gonna do about it?
Nothing (!) Mr. Cockall, it’s all in my head >:)
June 14th, 2006 Ian
Until the end
Here I am, sitting in my living room for the last time ever. Just waiting to be picked up. My room is empty. My stuff is all in boxes. I will never enter this house again and might never see Warrington again (though actually that bit’s quite a nice thought). It took six hours to empty my room, pack and clean up.
And then I get home and I will have nowhere to put all this. No idea what to do with it all. I have two of everything.
And then I need a career. Today is a very strange day. 🙁
6 comments June 13th, 2006 Chris
Wiggly and Wig at Dinner Time
As you can see this is definately not a good match, Wig maybe upset but she is one scary worm! I think Wiggly was conned into going on this “dinner date”, it’s a wonder he came back in one piece.
1 comment June 13th, 2006 Sarah
Strangely… Grey?
Look at this:
 
This is the bizarre sight that you get when you come out of my office building. To me, it looks like a giant upside-down rock raspberry. I think it’s keeping all the annoying clients who have filed complaints underneath in some sort of pre-historic world where dinosaurs roam. Like that bit in Tomb Raider… before you realised it was shit.
June 12th, 2006 Ian
Wiggly McWormy the Woozamawiggly
After several attempts to coax Wiggly out of his resting place he agreed to a small photoshoot in the hope of finding a mate. Now I have heard a worm lives at the bottom of Ians garden and was hoping Wiggly could meet him/her (he’s not fussy). Please reply with any ads.
Â
6 comments June 12th, 2006 Sarah
Poodle Groomin’
I groom lovely Poodles,
I groom them all day long,
And when I get really bored,
I groom them in a thong.
Shampoo in the morning
A trim in the by the light of the moon,
But never groom a poodle dear,
On a sunday afternoon.
It makes ’em rather angry,
grooming them pm,
but if you simple must my dear,
Calm them with m&m’s
The chocolate makes them sleepy,
Their eyes do wilt and droop,
But have some plastic bags ready,
For picking up the poop.
There’s nowt like goomin poodles,
Especially PC repair,
I know sod all about that,
But loads on Poodle Hair!
The morale of this tale,
is not for me to say.
But its the end, go on now leave
and shout Hip hip hooray!
3 comments June 12th, 2006 Kevil
Cleverness vs. Stupidity
I have invented a new saying whilst drunk, to myself not by myself, because noone would have understood, and it goes a little something like this:
“I’m as heterosexual as white bread!” 😛
5 comments June 11th, 2006 Ian