You see me right?
I have eggs.
These are MY eggs.
You know what I’m doing with them?
I’m putting them all in a basket.
MY BASKET!
I have the right to put them all there.
If they all break then I can go f*ck right off.
But the bottom line is they’re MINE!
MINE!
MINE!
………
MINE!
7 comments July 5th, 2006 Ian
Being that I, supreme being and ruler of many galaxies, can write now that Kev and Marshall, sorry, Steven and James are currently snuggled up in a travelodge across the road from where I work I can say:
Splippy boing thing!
That’s the first thing that came to mind
7 comments July 3rd, 2006 Ian
Today I received some alarming news about strange creatures called albatrosses. I did not ask to hear about this news but I am intrigued to find out the true appearance of albatrosses as there seems to be some dispute over it. Can anyone help me please? This is the evidence I have collected so far…
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9 comments June 27th, 2006 Sarah
Today at work I did lots of rubbish typing work and I corrected some information on the Waste Management Manual and I converted the Fire Precaution Notes for Guidance (Course A) document into web format. Work is dull.
So I invented something to improve my miserable lot: it’s NOT a JOB so I call it a NOB. Basically I stay at home and do what I like while my NOT an EMPLOYER – or NEMPLOYER to use the new terminology – pays me a large amount of cash every week.
How this works I do not know.
7 comments June 26th, 2006 Chris
Can I just say that Feeder suck ass so much that even if they brush their teeth a million times a day and wash their mouthes out with cider they can still taste the shit.
 That is all.
9 comments June 25th, 2006 Ian
Cheesy Kid: Help I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere and I have to call my lesbian mummy to come and pick me up. Those ruffians over there look vicious
*Vicious ruffians tense their fists and look mean*
Voiceover: Hey you kid, didn’t you know you don’t have to have money to make a phonecall?
Cheesy Kid: Isn’t that called stealing?
Voiceover: Don’t be silly Timmy, it’s the new reverse charge call phone service. LOINS!
Cheesy Kid: Loins?
Voiceover: Yes Loins. Simply dial the word Loins in the phone and…
Cheesy Kid: But there’s only numbers on these buttons. There are no letters.
Voiceover: Then find a phone with letters on it.
Cheesy Kid: This is the only phone for five miles. I checked on my GPS.
Voiceover: Then you’ll have to ask one of those vicious ruffians for their mobile.
Cheesy Kid: I could have told you that myself. Would you ask them for help, at night, being all vulnerable and alone like I am?
Voiceover: Well no.
Cheesy Kid: Exactly so really I’m screwed aren’t I?
Voiceover: Look, ABC are on button number 1, DEF are on…
Cheesy Kid: I don’t have time for your words and your headless bodyless nonsense I’ve gotta get out of this flying umbrella!
*Vicious ruffians start coming towards him*
Voiceover: Start praying Timmy, start praying!
Cheesy Kid: Must remember loins, must remember loins, must remember…
*Timmy gets creamed by the ruffians who steal his hat and use his shorts as a lunchbox*
7 comments June 22nd, 2006 Ian
Hey hey happy hamsters!
It’s been mighty quiet round here for a while. So here’s some random information that you won’t care about.
I’m working three days a week for Safety Advisory Services at the University of Leeds. That’s right bitches, I’m in the SAS 😀
I spend my days messing with their website and also doing typing and photocopying work. Woo woo!
Nothing I have done is yet online at the tremendously exciting website, www.leeds.ac.uk/safety
20 comments June 20th, 2006 Chris
I like monkeys.
The pet store was selling them for five cents apiece.
I thought this was odd since they are normally a couple thousand apiece.
I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I bought 200 of them.
I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home.
I have a big car.
IÂ let one of them drive.
His name was Sigmund.
He was retarded.
6 comments June 16th, 2006 Kevil
This is John.
He is a knitted beaver.
He likes long walks and flogging the poor which he dos with much vigour whenever he can.
Sometimes you’ll see him, sometimes you wont. he’s like that. He’s also strangly brown.
BOW DOWN TO THE KNITTED BEAVER
4 comments June 15th, 2006 Kevil