I don’t understand

Could do with some help here. I know what BEEF is, that’s no problem. It’s delicious.

But I can’t work out what BEEF stands for. Do you know?

17 comments August 6th, 2009

Quiz Corner

I’ve worked out what we’re missing here at Da Beans. We’re like a glossy magazine, full of interesting articles and views. But we don’t have a nice page where you can sit down with a warm beverage and a pen and stretch your brain muscles.

That’s why I have put together the first Beans Quiz Page. Enjoy!

Numbersearch
2 4 6 3 5 7 8 9
2 9 2 3 9 7 4 2
7 2 3 3 0 4 5 2
1 9 2 5 8 4 6 6
7 2 1 1 9 3 1 5

Find the following: 1925, 7051, 8095, 79329, 20082555.

General knowledge quiz

1. What is the world’s biggest shape?
2. Who invented tortoises?
3. Where is red kept?
4. How many lemons are there?
5. Fourteen?

Join the dots
. …. . .. …. .. .. ….. . . …… .. . ….. . . … … … …. .. .
. ….. . : … .. : …….. : ………. . . . .. . . . . . .. …. … ..

Answers are on the other side of this page.

20 comments April 27th, 2009

Private Collection

Today I used the word ‘vestibule’ and giggled like a school girl.

Does that make me wrong?

14 comments March 19th, 2009

Now We’re Really Living

I need some clarification, some closure and some clothes to cover this naked level of understanding that me, a common beatnik, cannot get my head round.

Last week when I took the boy to school I almost arrived at the bus stop but was greeted by a curious sight. Sat on the corner by the pub was a golf ball. A golf ball that had two turds curled around it. Now I have three questions:

1. Do dogs play golf?
2. Would that be classed as modern art?

And the biggest one of all:

3. Is it marketable?

11 comments January 26th, 2009

Christmas Market (dirty, dirty)

Alright so we should have done this a couple of months ago but you know us, we couldn’t plan some sort of social arrangement in a tavern. Clearly the Beans is pouring money down a dirty, dirty drain and we’ve gotta make some readies otherwise we’ll be left with nothing but comfortable responsibility on our backs.

I’m suggesting a full frontal people. We have to attack those stupid bitches with their brimming wallets with the crappiest, shoddiest shit we can find. Get out your permanent markers; it’s a free for all!

Okay that’s enough army chit chat. I think with the amount of material we’ve got on the site we could muster something along the loins, lines, loins, lines of christmas cards, mugs and t-shirts. Think about everything we say… who wouldn’t want a t-shirt that said ‘Grand Mal’ on it? Here’s a comprehensive list I made up on the spot of the top whatevers we regularly say:

1. You see you, right…
2. Grand Mal
3. Skippety Bee Ba
4. I like / don’t like those apples
5. Loins

Thems makes goods moneys, no’s?

21 comments November 3rd, 2008

Head Birthday

Hooray! Today is the birthday of Kevin Head! He has finally reached the age of 24 that so many others before have done. It is a momentous day. I went out and drank five or six pints because of this very occasion. I would have done tonight but obviously I’m at work, I’ll have Reuben and Thursdays are bad.

Here is a sentence I wrote for you:

“Drip drop, pork chop”

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that’s all folks!

19 comments July 31st, 2008

How they find us…

Now then. I’ve added a clever deeley called Google analytics to our wee site, that tells us, not only, how many people have looked at our site, but also where they are in the world, and if they used a search engine to find us, what they searched for.

Its been on here since last wednesday and below are the things people have searched for and ended up on our glorious page:

1. nigella lawson nipples
2. clever advertising
3. christa ackroyd
4. christmas tree dalek
5. cockall
6. custard beans
7. funny bedtime stories
8. how to spatch cock a chicken
9. jack pinata
10. jam pandas
11. lynda bellingham boobs
12. nigella cook nipples
13. olden day daleks
14. rotissomat
15. stray home bedtime story
16. what does bint mean

10 comments July 22nd, 2008

Arse Prints

In a desperate attempt to make some money in this bitter climate I have reached the lowest of the low. No, not telemarketing (“You know Susan, you would look good in this stunning summer blouse cum tin opener replacement made from unused leeks”). Although I think I would be good at it.

I have been making photocopies of my bottom and pretending that they belong to celebrities. The photocopier at work has never seen as much action! We have, for him, the George Clooney (tight and rugged), the Rowland Rivron (flabby but fun) and the Clint Eastwood (off the scale). For her we have the Angelina Jolie (sexy and soft), the Rosie O’Donnell (tugging at straws) and, ho ho ho, the Amy Winehouse (huge crack).

If anyone wants any signed copies please feel free to request them.

£50.00 + VAT.

34 comments July 8th, 2008

Ponderings…

If someone asks you if you are lying, and you say “yes”, what does that mean?

Why is it the that the bubbles in the bath are always white no matter what colour the liquid was?

Who designs benches?

Does a horse ever get so hungry it could eat a horse?

13 comments June 20th, 2008

Open Up And Discuss – Fireman Sam

Some interesting comments were brought up yesterday about Fireman Sam:

1) You never see his brother or sister who are the parents of those irritating kids who follow him around? Have they left? Are they charvers? Or is it the simple fact that Sam is actually their real dad and there’s some scandal going down in Pontypandy?

2) There’s a lot of action that goes down in such a small Welsh village. Do you think that the fire service are deliberately causing accidents, like pushing Trevor down wells and messing with Norman’s skateboard, so that they have something to do?

3) An Italian restaurant in a small village anywhere, where the population looks about 15, would not survive. Is Bella using the local cats in her recipes or does she have some rich Mafia boss living elsewhere in the world who funds her failing business?

4) Fireman Sam is a young, fit (not my words), active person and yet he’s single. This doesn’t happen in everyday life. Does he drive into town every night for some “Night Lady Action” or does he “bat for the other side”?

Your comments please.

12 comments June 3rd, 2008