Posts filed under 'Chris'
CII Ltd is proud to announce the release of its latest consumer innovation, the Opti-Rotissomat. Industry experts predict that by the end of 2007 no home will be complete without a CII Ltd Opti-Rotissomat and that they will be compulsory in most Western states by early 2009.
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The CII Ltd Opti-Rotissomat is unique among other electro-static rotary appliance solutions, because it features a twin-cycle PSU permitting it to be used with both 240V and 115V power supplies.
Its stylish grey rubber oscillaturner is comfort-moulded and is spring mounted on the titanium camshaft, giving you the ultimate in feel and texture while using the device. It will not slip or grate in wet weather conditions like many other belt-driven competitors.
The Opti-Rotissomat comes in three colours – amber, puce and leopardskin – and for a limited time only comes with a free suede carry-case. Order now to receive yours in time for Lent!
The Opti-Rotissomat is manufactured by Rotoscope Investments Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of CII Ltd’s Spearmint Division.
March 19th, 2007
This is slightly delayed, but none the less brilliant.
When I went to Loon-don to see the Marshall this is the kind of japery we got up to.
CLICK HERE NOW
and enjoy.
March 19th, 2007
Cheesegrating Operative
£12,656 pa
Closing date: 20/03/07
Start date: 28/04/07
Chris Tarrant is looking for a new member to join his team of household servants, slaves and lackeys. As Cheesegrating Operative, you will be required to maintain and manage Mr. Tarrant’s vital supply of cheese, pre-processed into thin strands. Working with a range of cheeses of varying textures, it will be your responsibility to select appropriate grating tools and maintain their chrome finish. You will be required to use your own initiative in grating each cheese with the correct width and length of strand.
As part of the wider team you will work with Mr. Tarrant’s head chef to co-ordinate cheese output for large social events, providing if necessary custom-grated cheese for each guest. Mr. Tarrant consumes approximately one kilogram of grated cheese, in a range of flavours and textures, at each meal. From time to time you will also be required to co-operate with Mr. Tarrant’s team of experienced sex slaves should his bedroom activities require further cheese.
The successful applicant will be able to show an awareness of the need for high-grade cheesegrating as part of a wider food preparation environment, and be a team player. He or she will ideally have at least one year’s experience of grating for a mildly famous person or organisation. The job requires a high level of commitment and Mr. Tarrant expects the successful applicant to be at work for fifteen hours each day.
Please send a full CV and sample of your grating, with 200-word explanatory essay of why you chose the type of cheese and the grating standard, and any other information you consider relevant, to:
Chris Industries International Ltd
Human Resources, 57th Floor
Marshall Towers
London
LN1 2EE
March 10th, 2007
And we took some pictures
YES!
February 15th, 2007
MY cheesegrater on MY chopping board with MY cheese in MY kitchen:
…before grating commences…
…and after the completion of grating.
Great!
February 3rd, 2007
You asked for it… and heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere it is!
Continue Reading February 2nd, 2007
This is all about where I live and what it’s like and it’s right good so have a look now go on go on go on you know you want to please do.
Continue Reading January 31st, 2007
This saddens me because I had plenty of nesssssss to upload… namely pictures of my new gaff complete with furnishment and stuffness in it. Damned techno-broken ness.
It might be because I’m on a public access computer ness thing so I’ll try again later, but if it still doesn’t work, then heads will roll.
Rockalula!
January 23rd, 2007
Hello. I am nowhere.
The first three weeks of my new job are being spent at a residential training boot camp where the BBC likes to send people who don’t yet know how to do their jobs.
On weekends I am FREE but during the week I am CAPTIVE.
They are keeping me here and feeding me stodgy food.
Please send help.
January 12th, 2007
Over the last couple of days I went on a massive weekend-long bender. It wasn’t a homoerotic bender or a drug bender, nor was I getting drunk or pissed up on booze. No, I was ODing on my new flat. I went in there and had a big sniff and didn’t leave it all weekend. Why? Because it’s MINE!
This is a picture of my new abode to be, into which I will insert my face on the 30th December. After that time the Chris Hotel will be available for anyone who cares to haul their candy ass down to London Town.
I’m bored of typing in that stupid way so I’m just doing it normally now.
The white-walled wonder you see above is costing me the breathtaking sum of £195 a week. If only I had that sort of money to burn! Instead, I can’t burn it because I have to give it all to my landlord. Grrr. Them’s the sort of apples that make me skint.
December 19th, 2006
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