Old School
Do you remember the days when our websites were just endless lists about things that didn’t mean anything? (more…)
12 comments July 7th, 2009 Ian
Newsboost Zoom Flume – That’s Enough of that, Sunshine!
The human race was left stunned yesterday as it has been confirmed that the moon has filed a restraining order against the sun.
The moon, aka Carlos Vanderbeeter, faxed the paperwork to the local law courts in Liverpool, much to the bewilderment of the staff.
“We have no idea, not a clue,” said the Chief Magistrate Thomas Lockjaw, “it’s pretty much a case of WTF, possibly the biggest we’ve ever seen.” Mr Vanderbeeter claims that he is tired of the lewd comments and obscene gestures he receives from the sun, aka Carley Fern, on a daily basis and has demanded that she be moved with at least seven hundred and fifty thousand miles between the two stars to ensure that the alleged harrassment stops. In doing so though this could see the end of the human race as any alteration in the positioning of the sun could affect our planet’s temperature. That’s bad.
“I honestly don’t know what we will do if he wins. The only transport we have is a Fiat Uno. Have you ever seen a 2000lb car trying to move a 7.35 x 10 ^22kg mass?”
Yes. Yes I have.
In response to this Miss Fern has defended herself stating that the allegations from Mr Vanderbeeter are entirely fabricated and that she will be fighting them from all angles. The proposed hearing will take place next month at Liverpool Magistrates Court, with chubby school children standing in for both sides of the dispute.
6 comments July 7th, 2009 Ian
Stage Sluts – A Novel Idea
Mr. Cockall returns and interviews tomorrows geniuses (again using song)
Who are you? Geoff Cornbladder
What’s the idea? Stage Sluts
What is it? Today’s television needs a more updated approach to younger women, what they talk about and what is important in their lives. After a brief five minute survey with the lasses in my office it was decided that gigs are where women open up and discuss more. What we’re talking about is like ‘Loose Women’ for the 16 to 25s and with less haggered crones.
What does it do? It will be a beacon in a darkened room. What better way to feel smug about yourself than listen to some over-dressed, obnoxious little turds who are only concerned about shagging the lead singer of whatever band is on stage? It will be a huge morale boost for women everywhere. Fair enough the music scene may dip for a while but we’ll just have to hope that men batting for both sides will pick up the pace.
What are you gonna do about it? Nothing Mr. Cockall, it’s all in my head >:)
July 1st, 2009 Ian
The Late Sir Reginald Winston – Recounting Events with Winthrop Chalmers
Returning from India, still intact despite the incident with the scorpion, and without locating nothing more than hocus pocus stories regarding Bab Nool Yony, we took about writing up our notes nonetheless with the hope that perhaps upon our next visit we may be able to piece together something coherent enabling us to carry on our work. (more…)
9 comments June 23rd, 2009 Ian
UPGRADED: We have been
I have upgradede all of the gubbins that makes this stack o’pap work.
This has changed the back-office stuff, and I’ve no idea what we’ve gained/lost or how it works, but it doesn’t nag me to update it no when I log in.
Enjoy
10 comments June 23rd, 2009 Kevil
Iris (or How To Fuel Panic By Mentioning The Word ‘Terror’) – Part Four
The horror, the horror… (more…)
5 comments June 22nd, 2009 Ian
Iris (or How To Fuel Panic By Mentioning The Word ‘Terror’) – Part Three
Thrust thrust thrust thrust
12 comments June 17th, 2009 Ian
Silly Bint Of The Month – Alesha Dixon
I suppose dear Alesha could also fall under ‘She’s Fit (but the musics shit)’, the almost forgotten distant cousin of ‘SBOTM’. I’m not one for attacking sacred cows, nor am I one for attacking any sort of cows. In fact if I was to attack any animal the cow wouldn’t be on the list it’s just that despite coming across as a geniunely nice person she’s really beginning to boil my piss. (more…)
7 comments June 17th, 2009 Ian
Chris’s Calendar: June
For June’s picture EEFY McJEEFY and I went out to the countryside to get a more rural, natural feel. This cow provided the perfect cover for me. I am, of course, lying provocatively on the grass just in front of the hedge in the distance, wearing a cheeky PVC nurse’s uniform that is a little bit too revealing, accessorised with some fluffy handcuffs.
20 comments June 16th, 2009 Chris
Iris (or How To Fuel Panic By Mentioning The Word ‘Terror’) – Part Two
Read on read on read on read on… (more…)
7 comments June 16th, 2009 Ian