This is boring. Katie Melua is so boring that she doesn’t even deserve to be called ‘she’ anymore. Therefore she will be referred to as ‘it’ because it’s that boring. Look at it, even it looks half-bored in this picture as it blands out another blandy ballad about bicycles and trains and crazies. You can see the intensity in its face, trying to muster all the bland in the world so it can toss off another ten songs and stick them out on a cd.
Although if you think it’s bad think how being Norah Jones must be like…
 
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August 26th, 2006
Ian
I’m at work but only 7 people are in the office out of the usual 14. Plus nobody is phoning, nobody is emailing and nobody has any work for me to do. I am so bored.
As a result of this, I am sitting here writing this. I have decided to look up BORING on Google Images and it gives me this:
Is this boring? It’s very hard to tell. I think it’s actually quite interesting. There’s a nice gay “hello sailor” thing about it all, and a mystery element because you don’t know who is on the other end of the phone. I wonder if that mystery caller knows they are talking to a pair of gay sailors in a lusty embrace?
I’m also interested in the homely American Sitcom look of the room they’re in. That table lamp with its creamy plaited shade is very Fresh Prince and the balustrade on the staircase in the background suggests a large, comfortable home, and not a battleship full of Village People singing gaybos.
My search also brings up this image from the Church of the King, Dallas. I’d like to think this is some sort of Elvis shrine that uses old biddies to spread the word.
In this image we see two such crones looking rather maudlin, both with cheery Rasta-style headgear. One is wearing horn rimmed glasses that were cutting edge in about 1952. The intention is to make us think that this church is so cool in its teaching of the Burning Love of Elvis that old grannies turn up looking like this. I think that this is actually a lie. The two old biddies in the image have never been there, and probably only like “In the Ghetto”, being much more interested in Max Bygraves’s oeuvre.
They were hired for the King’s publicity photoshoot and were told what would happen with recolouring to make them look trendy. This is why they look like you’ve just stolen their mobility scooter.
This image is also allegedly boring. I disagree. The woman in the centre of the picture is actually a hooker and is negotiating with the other two for a night of hot action. What she doesn’t know is that she’s being filmed for a late-night candid camera show where her antics will be broadcast to most of Japan. In addition, none of them are aware that the green building in the background is completely filled with Rice Krispies which were put there by a deranged millionaire.
I am SO BORED but this study of early 21st century visual interpretations of ‘boring’ has helped fill 30 minutes or so of my life. Thank you for your time.
Special reader exercise
Can you find a boring image and say why it’s a stack of cack? Prizes* for the best one!
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* Prizes are imaginary
August 25th, 2006
Chris
I found this on the shared drive at work.
Hooray for petty theft!
August 23rd, 2006
Chris
I want Wobbly Dog, I want Flat Kitty…
I want Wobbly Dog, I want Flat Kitty…
(Altogether now)
August 22nd, 2006
Sarah
This picture is part of a feature for my geeky roads site that is in production and hasn’t been put online yet:
This makes it a world exclusive.
I was thinking today about what a limp concept a world exclusive is. It basically just means something new. Everything goes through a stage where only a few people have seen it before lots of other people do. At the moment, this post is a world exclusive to me.
Even better is the idea of a private performance (sometimes disguised as a private screening or a secret gig). I have a private performance world exclusive every time I have a piss. That specific whizz has never been seen anywhere in the world before and I am the only person who gets to see it.
If I was Pete Doherty people would queue round the block to see that.
This means two things as far as I can see:
- Virtually everything on Pouring Beans has been a world exclusive. We have been underselling ourselves.
- I am so glad I’m not Pete Doherty. When I take a leak I like to do so in private.
August 22nd, 2006
Chris
I WANT MORE
I WANT IT NOW
SEE THAT IT IS DONE!
August 21st, 2006
Kevil
Date: 18th August 2006
Time: 13:15
Location: The Baltic, Gateshead (give or take)
Locker check successful. Still locked with possessions. Having previously been sent a pencil, a blue paperclip and an old Christmas card from Noony obsessionist Sarah Jolly it was unfortunate that the pencil was left at home and therefore will have to wait until the next visit. I placed the paperclip inbetween the red and the yellow for some witty banter with the Christmas card towards the back. I also left two elastic bands in an erotic position across the top of the two Baltic leaflets from a previous expedition. Left with no complications. The weather was shit and made my hair go crazy wild. Thought a lot about apples.
Random thought: The offer is still open for that game. Also, I think I need a pet. Lemons are good but what about the citric melancholia? Any recommendations?
August 18th, 2006
Ian
This: 
 is apparently a Red Delicious apple.
I have 2 problems with this.
1: Its more maroon than red (picky I know)
2: More importantly, ITS NOT DELICIOUS! goddam
The sticker told me it was sweet and juicy. More lies.
Just thought you’d like to know.
PS: Buy Royal Gala Apples!
August 17th, 2006
Kevil
I can’t taste. I have a cold. I can barely smell anything therefore it’s crap when I try to eat something tasty. So I don’t try. I could be eating pillows for all I knew.
Is there anyway I can use this to my advantage? And is it counted as a super power?
August 17th, 2006
Ian
It’s Kev next to his old car. It has nothing to do with this post.
Anyway, I’m so busy my arse is barely touching the ground between exciting occurences. And here’s where I fill you in, my lucky chums and chummettes.
Basically I have no idea where I’ll be working in two weeks’ time. I have one job offer waiting for a reply, I hear back from another interview in the next two days and I’m meeting a very important man who may (potentially) offer me a job on Wednesday.
In two weeks, will I still be doing boring stuff at the University of Leeds? Will I be responsible for trailers, jingles and station sound at BBC Radio Leeds? Will I be starting a new career in London with the BBC World Service? Or will I be sitting here, in this very chair, naked and scratching my meat and two veg with the handle of a wooden spoon?
Stay tuned to Pouring Beans for the answers!!!!!!!!!!!!
August 14th, 2006
Chris
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