Debt Collector
GIVE KEVIN HIS MONEY, MARSHALL!
Don’t let it slide bwoi. We’ve got your number, and it’s odd.
14 comments August 7th, 2007 Ian
Dave News
Look at that below me, right. Look at that sh*t. I don’t care if someone was in a band man I’m in one right now. Yeah. I’m living in the dream. I’m counting the pennies. I’m swirling the hips in the knee-high boots on Shakespeare’s grave. Yeah.
None of us can play instruments and since Paul left Dickinson Dees to join a rival firm in Sunderland is has kind of crippled the whole band ethic and the closeness but we’re still together and still knocking out the tunes like they were sarnies on a Sunday. Here’s a little ditty we’ve been scooping up. This is Snowy Cakes by The Festive Do-ers:
Snowy Cakes – Festive Do-ers
I pieced together snowy cakes from snow that hit my drive
I threw the snowball at my dad, it’s great to be alive!
He didn’t take it badly but he didn’t take it well
He told me I had sinned and I was going straight to hell
I worried all that winter, I never took a rest
In fact I always had to sleep with a knife upon my chest
In case Satan decided to come and get me early
After three long months of sleepless nights dad handed me a curly wurly
It was all a bunch of horrid lies, I was as good as gold
Those eight young years of good behaviour was sufficient, so I was told
To keep my away from fiery gates and the jaws of Mr. Death
It’s a shame I’m such a b*stard now and there is no time left
Going down, going down
Yes I swear I’m going down
Going down, going down
Pretty sure I’m going down.
18 comments August 6th, 2007 Ian
Chuckie news
Turns out that the Chuckster – that’s David “I hate people” Chuckos – has put his musical skills to good use.
Yes, the man who spent his first student loan instalment on a keyboard without actually knowing how to play it…
The very thought of it makes my loins weep.
20 comments August 1st, 2007 Chris
Pictures Update *sings* PRETTY PLEASE *ends singing*
Saint King here, King of the Saints and all their Saintly Behaviour.
I hear the magical camera of wonder has passed unto the hands of Kevin Head. Please confirm that you are duly taking pictures the likes of which the world has never seen.
12 comments July 30th, 2007 Ian
Very exciting indeed
Rub these apples over your body!
CLICK THIS LINK FOR SOMETHING BRILLIANT IN FLASH VIDEO FORMAT
Dave’s Elevated Moon Gin Palace and the Knights of Yore is now online! Up yours, George Lucas, I don’t see Star Wars on my website. No, DEMGPATKOY wins again.
Is this good beefs? Do you want more films online in this sexy way?
15 comments July 26th, 2007 Chris
Silly Buggers and Floods
As I’m sure you’re all aware, there’s been another round of flooding down south, which is tragic and very sad, and I genuinely feel sorry for people whose houses are now 5foot under water. However, its very hard to feel sorry for some people, and those people have names, CARAVANERS. Just look at this stupid bunch…
(click for big)What were they thinking? I have an idea…
George: “Ooh, I know Mildred lits go away in the caravan this weekend”
Mildred: “Aren’t there severe flood warnings all over the country this weekend?”
George: “Yes dear, but we’ll be in the caravan, the Maurauder II Caravan Mk3 can take it”
Mildred: “If you say so dear…”
YOU STUPID BASTARDS.
21 comments July 23rd, 2007 Kevil
Why I should not be left on my own
So I get up, mid-afternoon, ready for a night shift tonight. I decide at about 4pm that it’s time to go out to Sainsbury’s for some bits and pieces I need. On my way downstairs I pick up some crap that needs taking to the bin and I take it down with me, put it all in the bin, and turn around to close the door.
I look at the front door. It has a yale lock and a normal key sort of lock. I think “the neighbours are away, so I should lock both of them”. I reach into my pocket. I find no keys.
Luckily, the door is still open. I run upstairs, shouting a long, slow-motion “NOOOOOOO!” as I do, and yes – just as I had feared – the door to my flat is locked and burglar-proof. I turn the handle anyway and try to push it open a few times. Sadly the lock on the other side of it has not mysteriously evaporated and the door does not open.
Because I was going out anyway I have my phone and my wallet with me. So I have just spent the last two hours – TWO, count ’em – getting a bus and a tube and another tube to Notting Hill Gate, walking ten minutes in the rain to where Friya works, getting her spare keys off her, walking some more in the rain, getting another tube, and another one, and another bus back home.
I will be getting spare keys cut and leaving them hidden in some cunning location.
(It could be worse. I could have left my phone behind, and the door downstairs could have been locked. Then I would have been trapped on the stairs with two bags of rubbish and no way to get help.)
15 comments July 19th, 2007 Chris
Me-De-Me!
This is a small note for the, ahem, two or three fellows who might care. I’ve moved out and into a new address with a friend from work 🙂 the address is as follows:
21 Bewick Road
Wallsend
Tyne and Wear
NE28 6SH
Don’t worry about Mr. Smith and anything else that may have been sent recently though as all corresponding mail from my previous address will be handed over to me. Obviously.
16 comments July 17th, 2007 Ian
Mr Smith goes to the Post Office…
…and gets put in envelopes and posted to people.
Â
You can expect your complimentary preview copy of Mr Smith and the Drill in the post shortly.
24 comments July 15th, 2007 Chris
The Saint King’s Army – Task Update
Let’s have a quick round-up as we discover what the chuff is going on in the crazy world of the Saint King and his personal army of minions…
Task One – Letters to Emily
Unfortunately it appears as though the person Ian is writing to either doesn’t care, hasn’t received the letters or reads them and is so enfactuated with him that she barely breathes until the next one is posted through her letterbox. This writer cannot confirm which one it is. Here’s a thing; none of the letters have been returned so they must be somewhere. Just as no reply as been received also no letter asking him to stop. All we need is some sort of acknowledge.
Task 2 – Death of Daisy
Not much better news on this next task. After careful consideration, and some not so carefult handiwork with a screwdriver (just kidding), Kevin has decided that she is beyond repair. This is a dark day for such news as it also means that the Saint King’s sister project, ‘The Mackford Files’, will have to be put on hold until a suitable replacement for Daisy can be found. Don’t worry dear boy, you did all you could.
Task Three – Pictures of bitches
With the camera still in the capable hands of Marshall we all eagerly await when it can be passed on to Kevin to continue the task. There is no time limit for this and as previously stated the photos can be of anything you like… as long as they’re to do with you. Feel the pool of you within you and dive in. Or something like that.
15 comments July 10th, 2007 Ian