Posts filed under 'Rants'
I think it’s time we were told what exactly has been happening in the world of cameras, Ian, photography, pictures, taking pictures with a camera, the creation of photography, Ian’s pictures, the camera being used to take photographs by Ian, and photos.
I, like millions of others, continue to wait with baited breath for news of the completion of what has, by all accounts, been an epic task at the hand of his most regal sainthood, Saint King.
There can be no doubt that a task such as this – the taking of pictures on a shoddy camera – is a daunting, haunting, flaunting task like no other. It cannot be rushed and it takes as long as it takes. Sometimes it takes a bit longer too.
But we are due an update. How many pictures have been taken? Do photographs remain to be captured? When may we expect processing of said pictures in negative form to take place?
The world is waiting.
September 11th, 2007
Well I’m sorry but I’m sick of hearing about her. It’s not nice when people die and it was a bit of a downer when she did but for crying out loud first they had that stupid music gig for her which consisted of a bunch of bands and artists that were loosely connected to her and then they were still showing programs and tributes this weekend. Ten years since she’s been gone, I was half expecting someone to come up with some silly name for the whole affair and due to my bad eyesight and pondiferous imagination I thought they had. There was an advert for that shitty program ‘Dance X’ on BBC1 and I thought it said ‘Diana X’.
It would have tied the whole thing together and annoyed me at the same time. Due to the consistency of her exposure she is, controversially, the silly bint of the month.
August 28th, 2007
I took some and then I sent the camera on. I demand to see the photographs soon and I fear the whole project is being held up by Kev’s enormous, unjustified ego.
YOU’RE NOT THAT GOOD, YOU HEAR ME? STOP WASTING ALL OF OUR TIME.
August 20th, 2007
As I’m sure you’re all aware, there’s been another round of flooding down south, which is tragic and very sad, and I genuinely feel sorry for people whose houses are now 5foot under water. However, its very hard to feel sorry for some people, and those people have names, CARAVANERS. Just look at this stupid bunch…
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What were they thinking? I have an idea…
George: “Ooh, I know Mildred lits go away in the caravan this weekend”
Mildred: “Aren’t there severe flood warnings all over the country this weekend?”
George: “Yes dear, but we’ll be in the caravan, the Maurauder II Caravan Mk3 can take it”
Mildred: “If you say so dear…”
YOU STUPID BASTARDS.
July 23rd, 2007
Yes I’m afraid it looks as though it is to be my beloved Kirsten Dunst. Many a time have I admired her for looking pretty in ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind’ and feisty in both of them Spiderman films but now it’s no more. The magic is well and truly gone. She has made the silly, silly mistake of deciding to go out with front arsehole of the shithouse band Razorlight, Johnny Borrell. Not only that she has mentioned to press that she would like to act in a film with him. Hmmm, let me see; his acting abilities stretch as far as taking his top off and acting like a knob. It’s a small CV I admit but there must be something out there that would get him started. Perhaps lorry crash victim number four or crash test dummy number two would suffice?
Good bye my dear.
June 13th, 2007
Kev, obviously you know what this word signifies/means because you used to say it a lot when we’d be doing random shit for constantly falling. I’ve asked four people here today what doody means and if they’ve every heard of it and NONE of them (three Newcastle, one Middlesbrough) knew about it! :O Am I missing something here?
Marshall? Sarah? Do you know of doody? :O
October 30th, 2006
I’ve decided to start a new category for all those silly bints that plague our everyday life. This month I have decided to nominate Katie Melua. Why you may ask? Well, not only is she still the blandest of the bland but in an effort to drum up publicity she performed underwater yesterday at some cruddy oil rig. I don’t know about you but if I was a rig worker the last thing I would want is to be stuck all the way down there, in a hot, claustrophobic environment with, “There are nine million bicycles in Bejing…” echoing around the room. Surely that’d be the ideal place to organise a lynching. Noone would know and there are no laws under the sea >:) or is that just me? Then she just flew straight home to London.
What a silly bint.
October 3rd, 2006
I have witnessed today what could possibly pass as one of the worst animated films ever created.
It was, of course, called ‘Help! I’m a Fish!’ where three kids get turned into fish by some “crazy” scientists’ potion. In order to get back they must drink the antidote. Along the way they encounter token evil fish and token helpful companion in this case a seahorse. They escape from evil fish with seahorse’s help, find the antidote and turn themselves back, also defeating and violently killing evil fish in the process (voiced by Die Hard baddie Alan Rickman). They drown him! They turn him into a human, he forgets that humans can’t breath underwater and drowns! This film is like a f*cking U! Then to tie up the loose ends they had to leave little seahorse behind (who had become close friends with the little girl fish) but once they’re humans again they find it and the scientist guy creates some guff that turns him into a proper horse. THEN they all laugh at the end of it like it’s something normal that’s happened! Something natural, not like it’s against the laws of God or anything!
F*cking heathens, I hate them all. Smite them all for me!
September 3rd, 2006
1. Some jiggy shit (in that what constitutes music for the under twelves i.e. shit that jigs).
2. Some weird, flashy video with a threadbare plot.
3. Minimal clothing.
4. The fit one at the front.
I don’t mind the last two it’s just the first two that annoy me. They did that drippy ballad after the first one but since then it’s all, to quote myself, “jiggy shit”. What’s their new single, ‘I don’t need a man’ or something like that? Well if you don’t then why are you dressed in what would pass as a small teatowel? To impress the lesbians? I think not.
*thinks: just as long as the fit one’s at the front*
August 31st, 2006
Its rant time again!….
Last week we recieved through the post “The Big Book of Christmas”. Fine you may think, but you’d be as wrong as Pete Doherty….
Of Course your wrong and do you know why? BECAUSE IT’S AUGUST! Now unless the Churches all got together and had a meeting they didnt tell us about at which they decided that christmas is now to be held at the end of september, then Christmas is 4 MONTHS away.
Now I don’t know about you, but I dont want to think about Christmas in August, It’s sunny outside and i can still see at 10pm. Christmas is something that happens in cold wet miserable winter and is exciting because its all the things winter isn’t:
1. Exciting
2. Fun
3. Bright and
4. Colourful
There too much in my life going on now to worry about things 4 months off. I don’t start thinking about my birthday (in July) at the start of April, that would be stupid. So why? WHY? do they feel the need to shove Christmas down our throats in August?
By the time we actually get to the “magical” day of December 25th we’ve all spent 4 months listening to Jingle Bells in TESCO and I for one am bored to death of the sight of green and red, fake snow and reindeers.
SO….. Join my campaign now.
KEEP CHRISTMAS IN DECEMBER!
Thank you
That is all.
August 29th, 2006
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